Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Every day that we live . . .

brings us one day closer to death. But on days like today, I can actually feel it happening!

URGH ! I've managed to stay one step ahead of my spring allergies all season - until today. I wanted to believe that because I was hit so hard with respiratory illness this past winter, I might escape my usual seasonal allergies. But it seems that everywhere I go, people are struggling; even people who don't normally have issues with allergies have been sniffling, sneezing, and coughing. And . . . it would appear, that I am just not that special after all. I kind of suspect that after such a miserable winter, we were just a little to eager for spring to arrive. As soon as the mercury started to climb, we threw open the doors and windows. (even sleeping with the bedroom windows open on warmer nights) I think it was just too much too soon. Now I'm finding myself back on that roller coaster of feeling crappy. You know the one - Wake up, take meds, lay back down until you feel human again, try to accomplish an hour or two of useful, productive existence before the meds wear off . . . repeat the whole process every four hours until you fall into bed, completely exhausted.
Oh well, at least I'm not alone. Today, it seems that everyone is feeling the same way. Nobody wants to do anything.

What really sucks for me, is that all this couldn't have happened at a worse time. Earlier this week, I had made a personal commitment getting myself healthier. I feel like over the past year or so I've gained more weight than I'm comfortable with; my energy level has dropped dramatically, and I'm just not ready to feel as old as I am. I know it's a little late for a mid-life crisis, but I'm haven't been on time for anything since I became a mother. Of course, I'm not going to let a bout of seasonal allergies halt my plans; It's just hard to work up much enthusiasm for self discipline when I feel like death warmed over. (My natural tendency is to seek comfort and procrastination when I'm sick.)

Instead, I've decided that until I feel better, I can keep myself motivated by mapping out my plan of attack. Yesterday, I spent almost three hours on the phone with insurance companies and medical suppliers trying to replace my old glucose tester with one that actually works. ( I had become so lax in testing my blood sugar levels that the batteries in my old glucometer died of neglect) I'm also in the process of planning out a healthy diet for May, and a schedule for daily exercise with my dogs. Walking my dogs and planning a monthly menu are things that I normally do, it's just that lately, they have been geared more towards personal convenience and are subject to change based on everyone else's needs and desires. That's a lot of crap. I'm tired of being at the bottom of the priority list. From now on, they can work their schedule around mine; and if they don't like eating what I buy or cook - they can make their own. I still have a few other items on my personal wish list for feeling better, but they are going to require more resources than I currently have available at the moment. (One step at a time.) In the meantime, It's obvious that if I don't take care of me, no one else will.

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