Thursday, April 29, 2010

Taking care of . . . ME !

That's my new goal. It's something that I haven't been doing, not for a long time. I've been lazy and depressed all winter. I've been eating what I want, when I want, and cooking like a deranged french pastry chef. I honestly couldn't remember the last time I took a blood sugar reading. I know that it's been more than a year. (The batteries in my glucose meter croaked a long time ago and I just never got around to replacing them.) See, if I don't take my blood sugar, I can pretend that everything is hunky dory. And to be honest, my quarterly blood levels have been . . . uh, okay . . . but steadily going down hill. So, last week, I gathered my courage and ordered a new glucose meter.

"The box" arrived Tuesday morning, so my first reading was a morning, fasting blood sugar level. When I read the number that popped up on the screen, I almost fell outta my chair!
I mean, it could have been worse, but then, I probably would have cried. The first thing I did was run to the computer and work up a diet diary sheet, that has a place for my before and after meal blood sugars, and started using it faithfully. Since then, I've been a very good girl and the numbers are steadily going down. At this point, the goal isn't to lose weight. The goal is to keep my blood sugar under control by eating healthy and exercising. Losing weight is just going to be a natural consequence.

I'm also documenting my exercise time to see how much effect it has on my blood sugar. A couple of weeks ago, Roy brought home a bike for me. As soon as he gets around to lowering the seat so that my short little legs can reach the ground, I'm going to check out all the lovely bike trails here in Olathe. Lord, I hope that I don't kill myself - I might be too old for this crap.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Apparently, I died sometime last week. My guess would be, it happened either Thursday or Friday. Now, I'm just another member of the Living Dead. I do my best to sleep all day, and spend my nights shuffling around the house, uttering vague, unintelligible moans and groans. My appetite has dwindled, yet still remains. I just can't seem to figure out exactly what it is that I hunger for. Hmmmmm. . . Only time will tell if I will eventually snap out of this zombie like state; or if I will one day wake to find that my unknown craving is for . . . brains.

I'll keep you all posted as new developments occur.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Every day that we live . . .

brings us one day closer to death. But on days like today, I can actually feel it happening!

URGH ! I've managed to stay one step ahead of my spring allergies all season - until today. I wanted to believe that because I was hit so hard with respiratory illness this past winter, I might escape my usual seasonal allergies. But it seems that everywhere I go, people are struggling; even people who don't normally have issues with allergies have been sniffling, sneezing, and coughing. And . . . it would appear, that I am just not that special after all. I kind of suspect that after such a miserable winter, we were just a little to eager for spring to arrive. As soon as the mercury started to climb, we threw open the doors and windows. (even sleeping with the bedroom windows open on warmer nights) I think it was just too much too soon. Now I'm finding myself back on that roller coaster of feeling crappy. You know the one - Wake up, take meds, lay back down until you feel human again, try to accomplish an hour or two of useful, productive existence before the meds wear off . . . repeat the whole process every four hours until you fall into bed, completely exhausted.
Oh well, at least I'm not alone. Today, it seems that everyone is feeling the same way. Nobody wants to do anything.

What really sucks for me, is that all this couldn't have happened at a worse time. Earlier this week, I had made a personal commitment getting myself healthier. I feel like over the past year or so I've gained more weight than I'm comfortable with; my energy level has dropped dramatically, and I'm just not ready to feel as old as I am. I know it's a little late for a mid-life crisis, but I'm haven't been on time for anything since I became a mother. Of course, I'm not going to let a bout of seasonal allergies halt my plans; It's just hard to work up much enthusiasm for self discipline when I feel like death warmed over. (My natural tendency is to seek comfort and procrastination when I'm sick.)

Instead, I've decided that until I feel better, I can keep myself motivated by mapping out my plan of attack. Yesterday, I spent almost three hours on the phone with insurance companies and medical suppliers trying to replace my old glucose tester with one that actually works. ( I had become so lax in testing my blood sugar levels that the batteries in my old glucometer died of neglect) I'm also in the process of planning out a healthy diet for May, and a schedule for daily exercise with my dogs. Walking my dogs and planning a monthly menu are things that I normally do, it's just that lately, they have been geared more towards personal convenience and are subject to change based on everyone else's needs and desires. That's a lot of crap. I'm tired of being at the bottom of the priority list. From now on, they can work their schedule around mine; and if they don't like eating what I buy or cook - they can make their own. I still have a few other items on my personal wish list for feeling better, but they are going to require more resources than I currently have available at the moment. (One step at a time.) In the meantime, It's obvious that if I don't take care of me, no one else will.

Friday, April 9, 2010

It's been a beautiful day . . .

In fact, so lovely that I just let the day take me where it would. After my morning Diet Coke, I followed the dogs out the back door and onto the deck. As I watched them play I felt the sun warming my skin. It wasn't until they all went running to the fence to bark at a passing jogger, that I suddenly realised I was still in my nightie. :0 I decided that until I was dressed, maybe I should limit my wanderings to inside the house. As I headed up stairs to put on something uh . . . more appropriate, I noticed that all my potted plants were looking exceptionally sad.

Actually, they looked more than sad, they looked pitiful. Every winter they are horribly neglected and by spring, they're starved for "real" sun light and fresh water. My poor plants spend 6 months out of every year surviving on florescent light, and as much as I hate to admit it, very spotty care. For some reason, when I bring my plants inside - when they are right under my nose, day after day - I do well to water them once every six weeks. I don't know if I'm resentful of the precious space they occupy in my already cramped house; or if it's just that I loathe the endless toting of the watering can, to and from the sink, up and down the stairs, and the frustrating sound of water dripping from over filled pots onto table tops and carpets.
But when they're outside, where they belong, they have my complete and doting attention. I make it a point to check on them daily, make sure that they have plenty of water, and the right amount of sun and wind protection . I've been known to spend hours, standing in the heat of the summer, clearing away dead leaves and repotting.
I don't know why, but when they are outside, they somehow seem more beautiful and precious to me. When they're all gathered together on my back deck, they become my garden - my special place to relax and enjoy their beauty. And as a result, I'm much more apt to care for them.
When they are inside - they're just a pain in my ass.

Anyway, I had planned to spend today continuing my work on my home haunt. Instead, I spent most of the day transporting my 50+ potted plants to the back yard, and arranging them into a pleasing grouping where they will all receive whatever they need to thrive and be happy. Then, I spent the rest of the day reconfiguring my house. I've long since forgotten what my house looked like without walls of greenery, so I had to figure out how to fill in the gaps. The whole process was an all day event, but I think that I can honestly say that my plants are in a better place now - and so am I.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Digging my way out.

Okay, I know that I've been away for a while. Things around here have been non stop B.U.S.Y. At first, I think it was a bit overwhelming; but now, I think I've got my second wind and I'm doing my best to stay a few steps ahead. Okay . . . maybe that's an exaggeration, but I've got a mental plan and I'm feeling a bit more optimistic about things.

Of course, it's hard not to think and feel optimistically when spring is in the process of blooming. I don't know about the rest of the blog world, but here in Kansas, the weather has been lovely. The daffodils and hyacinths have begun blooming, and most of the trees have reached a mature bud stage. This morning, we had our first actual thunderstorm of the season. (thunder boomers and everything!) Afterwards, the streets and sidewalks were littered with all the protective bud coverings that had been shaken loose; allowing the tiny leaves to begin unfurling their greens. As usual, the red buds, dogwoods, tulips trees, and decorative hedges started their show of colors last week; but I'm just now venturing out to see them.

Normally, my allergies prevent me from enjoying this time of year; but I struggled so much this past winter, maybe I'm going to catch a break this spring? All I know, is that poor Jake seems to have come down with a double dose of allergies this past week. He's been so miserable that I took him to the doctor today. With all the medicine that we came home with, something has to work.

My hubby has also been struggling with some medication issues lately that have been seriously disrupting his sleep patterns. I've finally got him scheduled to talk with the doctor on Monday. I'm hopeful that if we can get him straightened out, things will start to turn around for us.

On Monday, Nick started serving his time (60 days) on some charges from almost 2 years ago. Normally, a situation like that might cast a shadow over every one's optimism; but in reality, having this hanging over his head has been holding him back from making a fresh start in a new direction. Sort of keeping him in limbo. Instead, everyone (including Nick) has chosen to see this as a first step towards a new life and possibilities. I think that with a new wife and daughter in his life - he just might be able to make it happen this time.

So . . . for a lot of reasons, I've been feeling more hopeful and optimistic recently. I've been trying to keep myself busy with moving forward - in whatever ways that I can. When I run up against a "big boulder" of a road block, I just start chipping away at the smaller, looser, stones surrounding it until that big "boulder" can be pushed aside. Or at least, that's my plan. So far, I haven't had a shortage of smaller issues to deal with. So technically, I think I'm making progress; slowly digging myself out, even though it doesn't always seem that way.

Well, I need to get myself to bed. I've got a lot of going on tomorrow. A lot of little stones to kick out of my way - sometimes it seems that they just keep multiplying - but until I can clear away a hole big enough to wiggle through, I've got nothing better to do with my time.