Sunday, September 28, 2008

Weekend Post


I SO kick butt!! I got up this morning, vacuumed the whole house, drooped the kids off at the mall, and got to work in the garage. I finished my gargoyle painting for my asylum clock tower, ( I still have to spray it with sealer ) and, I finished my bloody skull fountain for the front of the house. Getting the blood to trickle just right was quite a chore. Roy and Heather giggled their butts off watching me try to adjust the water flow. The first 20 times or so, it squirted blood halfway across the garage. Of course, Heather was so excited to see it work, she was standing right in front of it when I turned it on for the first time. She got SOAKED ! (Actually, she got soaked several times. ) But after a few adjustments, I got it fixed - It looks so cool.

I still have so many other projects that I want to get done. I wanted to build a wrought iron fence for the cemetery, and two or three skeletons/corpses, and, hopefully, build at least one coffin. I really wanted to get my mausoleum built for this year, but I'm starting to worry if I'll have time - I don't want to rush, and do a half assed job. I think I'd rather have a little more time for that project, so maybe next year. I also need to get my husband focused so that we can get the asylum put together. The kids really like to help with that part. (God, I need to make a list !)

Okay, enough, I'm just rambling and thinking out loud. I'm going to go sit on the couch and watch TV for a while.
Good night.


Okay, it's Sunday night. I started setting up the yard around 1PM and finally finished up around 9PM. Heather and Jake both put in about 25 minutes of work, and Jacked around for about an hour. I put my husband to work, but every time I turned my back on him, he had disappeared. I inevitably found him parked on the couch, sucking up the air conditioning, and watching football. He is such a shit.

Anyway, I'm pleased with how the yard turned out. (so far) I still have another 33 days to see what else I can accomplish. Around 6:30, we had a bunch of people wander by and check things out. Before I was even done hooking up the electrical, a car pulled up and a couple wandered up the drive to get a better look. Shortly after that, 6 or 7 kids from the neighborhood showed up to wander through the graveyard and chatter about how exciting Halloween will be, while Roy and I were trying to untangle and hook up all the electrical cords. We got everything hooked up just as the sun was going down, and it was BEAUTIFUL! I think I'd like to get another blue flood light and a fogger for the cemetery, but once the lights were on, we had a lot of people driving by then, going around the block for a slower, second look. I'll try to get some photos tomorrow but, it's supposed to rain. I may not get them taken and posted until Tuesday or Wednesday.

After I grabbed a bite to eat, I spent the last four hours cleaning up and straightening out the garage. The problem with having Roy help, is that he's famous for not picking up after himself. By the end of the evening, He had everything all over the place. Right now, my whole body is sore and achy. My feet hurt, my legs hurt, and my back is screaming. I'm tired and dirty so I think I'll go soak in a hot tub and go to bed.

Good night.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Foggy Brain Syndrome

Hey there,

I'm still alive and well - I think. I had a couple of blah days. I've just felt kind of unmotivated and sullen. I spent most of Wednesday and Thursday locked in the garage with my dogs, painting and working on some Halloween stuff. I didn't have that luxury today. I woke up this morning and had about a million things to take care of, so I've been running all over town. Even so, my brain has felt kind of fuzzy and disconnected. I don't know what's going on.

While I was out and about today, I noticed that some (actually, just a few) of the trees are starting to change color, and a handful of people have their Halloween decorations up. I think that we will get the yard stuff up this weekend. Probably Sunday, since Roy will be working tomorrow. Besides, I really need to get some housework done. I haven't done much of anything all week.

So . . . I haven't got a whole lot to say, and my brain just isn't quite firing on all cylinders yet. I just wanted to pop in and say HI, and let you know I'm okay - still breathing and everything.

Hope you all have a great weekend.
Love to all,

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Nightmares of Sandy Cheeks

How would you like to wake up to this? Not on TV, but in your bed, right in your face. That's what happened to me this morning; or at least that's what my blurry sleep deprived eyes thought they were seeing. Turns out that it was only Princess, who had some how managed to get her head stuck in an over sized peanut butter jar. I kid you not, she was truly stuck!

I felt around the collar of the jar, and I was able to just barely slip my pinky inside the rim, but only up to the first joint. So I reached into my desk drawer next to my bed, and pulled out my sewing scissors. Now these are no dainty silver snips used for clipping loose threads on needle work. These are massive, eight inch long shears, the sort of tool that would be useful to have if anything more frightening than a miniature pincher, with a jar of Skippy stuck on her head, were to wake me. Unfortunately, the hard plastic that they make those jars out of, is virtually bulletproof.

I sat up and looked to see if Princess was as concerned as I was about her predicament. From what I could tell, she was frantically trying to reach the last smudges of peanut butter on the very bottom of the jar with her tongue. Still, I had to wonder how long she would be able to breathe with that thing on her head. I was tempted to check my watch and start timing her - just to see how long it took her to either pass out, or explode from eating, God knows how much, peanut butter. (whichever came first)

In my mind, I was already sorting through the possible stories I could give the kids for Princess's tragic demise. The problem is, I watch way too much forensic TV, and I know how hard it is to fully cover your ass in these kinds of situations. A lucky break like this just looks too suspicious - no one would ever believe me, and I wasn't entirely sure I could keep a straight face.

I threw back the comforter and started muttering curses at Princess under my breath. The other four dogs sat up from their slumber and started gathering around her. I'm not sure what upset them the most; the fact that she had a big plastic bubble on her head, or the fact that they couldn't get their fair share of peanut butter . Naturally, Pete started whimpering and pawing at her which got the other dogs agitated. I picked her up and set her in my lap. I stared pulling on the skin behind her ears, and pulling the jar forward with the other hand. After a few minutes of pulling and alternating tugging at her ears, I was finally able to free her from her sticky peanut butter prison. I'm not sure that she really appreciated my efforts because, as soon as she was free, the other dogs surrounded her and almost drowned her with their slobbery tongues as they removed the excess peanut butter from her face.

In spite of all my evil thoughts about Princess, I breathed a sigh of relief, set the empty jar on my desk, and pulled the blankets back up over my head. In less than a minute, she was back to her wicked self and was screaming and snapping at the boys. I was nearly bounced out of bed as 16 paws made a hasty retreat off the bed, and out the bedroom door.

I figured that I might as well get up and start my day. To be honest, it hasn't improved much. It's been a long day fraught with frustrations. I did manage to get the dogs out for their walks, and that seems to have relieved a lot of tension in house. I suspect that by tomorrow morning, Princess will be over her "problem," and the boys will return to their sweet, non-obsessed selves. I got home our walk to find that our water had to be temporarily shut off until 7PM. So, all my plans had to be put on hold until tomorrow. So . . . I've got a busy day ahead and I need to get some sleep.

Good night.



Monday, September 22, 2008

Just Belly-achin'

Okay, I've been playing around and I have opened our Home Haunt Blog. It really isn't quite what I want, but it'll do for now. At least if you want, you can view photos of last year's Halloween haunt and our 1990 Halloween party/haunt. I'm hoping that each year I'll be able to post new photos and videos that show the changes and improvements. So, if you'd like a peek, either click the link above, or I'll try to add it to my links list on my blog - maybe some time tomorrow. ( I think I'm done for tonight)

I've been a busy little homemaker today. I've cleaned the whole house, top to bottom, including the kids rooms, cooked dinner, and done a ton of laundry. I feel really good about it, very productive. I even managed to get some work done on my Halloween projects. I've been busy corpseilating some bones for my skulls and blood fountain. It's gonna be so cool, and very creepy.

I can't believe that I got so much accomplished with my hubby at home. Poor baby woke up with an intestinal virus this morning. (boo-hoo.) I'm pretty sure that it's probably his own fault. He ate everything in sight this weekend, while parked on the couch watching every football game that he could find. It isn't even October, and I'm well on my way to becoming a football widow. *sigh*

It's very possible that I might wake up tomorrow feeling about the same. Last night, I stayed up late baking cookies, and I'm pretty sure that this evening, I've sat here at the computer and eaten TOO many. (Me gots a little tummy ache too.) I am so very bad - but they were SO good!. I wonder if my hubby will stay home, take care of me, and listen to me bitch, like I did for him? Uh, actually, that's okay, I'd rather he just go to work and leave me in peace. Besides, I can't take a day off just because I don't feel so good. I'm a MOM.

I guess, the smart thing for me to do, would be to pry my lard ass out of this chair, and put my self to bed. I'll probably sleep like a rock after scarfing down all that sugar. Besides, my fingers and my eyeballs have ceased to co-operate any more.
Good night everyone.


Sunday, September 21, 2008

Quiet weekend

Things around here have been kind of quiet and . . . I guess, peaceful? Well, not entirely. My little Min-Pin, Princess, is in Heat again, and my boys, Pete, Midnight, and Phoenix, are acting kind of loopy. Of course, I've come to expect that sort of thing from males. It's driving Roy crazy because, they're so persistent and pathetic. There are times when they get on my nerves, but I find myself chuckling at them more often than not. Pete, Midnight, and Phoenix are at least four times bigger than Princess, so mating just isn't going to happen, even if Princess were agreeable to it, which she obviously is NOT. Still, it seems that there just might be some justice in the animal world to see three males, totally at the mercy of their hormones. All the crying and growling seems somewhat familiar to us females.

My three boys are very handsome specimens of canine masculinity, but poor little Princess takes so much rowdiness and abuse from them on a daily basis, that the harder they try to woo her, the bitchier she becomes. It's kind of interesting to see how each of my boys go about their attempts to court her.

Pete, is the oldest, the father of Midnight and Phoenix, and most days, he likes to think of himself as the alpha dog of the pack. (HA!) Pete's M.O. is to shamelessly cry and beg Princess to pay him some attention; then, as soon as she turns her back on him, he paws at her and tries to figure out how to mount such a tiny thing. She can only tolerates about 10 minutes of his crying and begging. The minute he lays a paw on her, she turns on him and backs him into a corner by snapping and screaming at him. Then, she walks away, leaving him whimpering and shaking, like the victorious bitch that she is.

Midnight, is my little Romeo. He truly believes that if he drowns her with kisses, and sad longing looks of adoration, she will eventually love him. He can spend hours snuggling with her and licking her ears and face until her tiny head is soaked. And the little bitch LETS him! When she has had enough of his affection, she just gets up and walks away with out so much as a glance back in his direction; leaving poor Midnight to spend the rest of the afternoon trying to puke up a fur ball. (tisk,tisk)

Phoenix, is a sweety, but he usually feels like the odd man out. His confidence level isn't very high and he often ends up feeling confused and uncertain around other dogs. In fact, this is the first time that he has even felt confident enough to even get involved in this torturous ritual. However, Phoenix seems to be the strong silent type. When the other two boys are getting on her nerves, he just moves close to Princess and tells the other boys to back off with a soft growl -that they all pretty much ignore. When he gets tired of the insanity, he comes to lay next to me with a sad and miserable look. If he wasn't such a sweet spirit, I'd worry about the growls.

All the same, they absolutely must get fixed before she goes into heat again. It doesn't seem fair to allow my babies to endure such torture, even if I do find it amusing.

Other than that, the kids have been staying busy with their friends, I've been getting some fall yard work done, and making mental notes of how I'll find space for all my plants that have been vacationing on the back deck. (and growing to twice their normal size in the sun.) I'll have to trim them all back and re-pot many of them. I have a feeling that it won't be long before we have our first over night frost.

Oh! I almost forgot! Friday night, Jake and Heather both had plans for four hours or so. Heather went to a movie night with the church youth group, and Jake had a birthday party to attend. So . . . My hubby and I ended up with an unexpected evening out! It would have been nice if we had time to make plans, but I'm not complaining. In fact, it would be nice if we had more night like that.

Nick has managed to sneak in a few phone calls since he started rehab. In a way, I'm sort of glad that it's only been a few - he's going through his "cranky phase" of withdrawl. He's got an appointment to get the last of the metal removed from his mouth on Monday, hopefully, that will put him in a better mood. All that he has left are the temporary "braces" on his teeth that have become loose and have been making the inside of his mouth sore. For the most part, his jaw is healed and he's been eating most anything that he wants.

He's also feeling dissatisfied because, he can only see his girlfriend, Jennifer, when they have church on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. Last Wednesday, she was asked to leave because she wore a dress that was a bit too low cut and inappropriate. I hope he doesn't get himself all bent out of shape about following "the rules." He has had issues with that in the past. At some point, he has to realise that fitting into society, and having respect for authority, is actually part of recovery. It's a hard thing for a young person to comprehend. He still has a 'screw the world' kind of attitude. He still hasn't totally figured out that making his own rules just doesn't work for him.

Well, I need to get my butt off the computer and try to do something productive. Or maybe, I'll just go outside and try to distract the dogs with a game of fetch? Wish me luck.

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend as well.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Plans and preparations

The last few days have been both, a lot of fun, and a lot of work. Last night, I was up late researching other home haunting websites and blogs. I have tentatively set up a blog and downloaded some of the photos from our very first haunted house/ party. (Way back in 1990.) No, you can't see yet, because it still needs a lot of work. Heather seems to have quite a few ideas so, I'm going to let her help me. It's kind of embarrassing when my kids are SO much more computer literate than me, but that's one of Heather's talents

Roy was in a better mood yesterday, and when he got home from work he looked over some of the websites and the cool ideas listed on Monsterlist. This evening, he finally admitted that he is starting to get excited about doing another family project. We always have so much fun working together. (Especially when we don't have to meet any one's standards or criteria - it's just for fun.)

We had another informal family meeting tonight, and I think we are going to scrap the Hotel Transylvania theme. (at least for this year) After looking over some of the sites on the Internet, we've decided that it might work better if we picked a theme and improved on it each year. We can eventually add other areas as time goes by , depending on the materials that are available to us. It's a lot easier, and more economical, than changing the whole theme every year.
Our first Haunted House was called Howling Hollow, so I think we have settled on Howling Hollow Asylum and Cemetery. (we already have a lot of the basics for that)
We also decided that this year, we will just do a haunt/party on Halloween night. However, Next year, we are going to make it bigger and better and make it open for tours, beginning October 1st. If all goes as planned, we will set up a donations box at the end of the drive, and give any money collected to a local no-kill animal shelter. Big goals, Huh? Right now, they're excited and committed, we'll see how they feel in January or May.

I spent the biggest part of today re-arranging and cleaning out the garage. I moved the deep freeze and the extra refrigerator to the different wall to give us more space, and I got all the Halloween prop boxes moved up stairs. Roy came home and got the lawn mowed and the weed-whacker thingie running to get things ready and cleaned up outside. Once we get things set up, it's going to be hard to stay on top of the grass. Besides, it looks spookier if it's a bit over grown.

I need to get myself to bed, I can already feel my muscles tightening up from all that moving. I had one of the large, hard plastic coolers fall on my head today while I was pushing the refrigerator across the garage floor. (I've had a head ache all evening, but I was too embarrassed to tell Roy) I have a feeling that I'll be moving a bit slower tomorrow. Sleep tight everyone.


Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Coming out of the closet

Hey there,

I am being an indolent, idle, sluggish, apathetic, loafing, slothful, and lethargic bum! (Those are all the words listed in my thesaurus for Lazy - I knew that book would be good for something!) Actually, I've spent the last couple of days with my face burried in the computer monitor. Kate would be SO proud ! I really am having a good time, but I know that it must end soon. (sniff-sniff)

It all started on Sunday, when the rain was falling. I began looking for inspiration, on line, for my Halloween Production. Surprisingly, I found a ton of sites. I bookmarked them, and began sorting through them Monday evening. I ended up staying up until 4AM Tuesday morning.
I slept until noon this morning, and intentionally avoided the computer chair until this evening. (it wasn't easy) Last night's discoveries have left me all a twitter. After I tended to my duties and got a healthy dose of fresh air and sunshine, I called my family together at dinner time because I couldn't wait to share the news.

Apparently, we (our family) are a part of a small, but growing, group of . . . freaks, known as "Home Haunters!" I'm so excited !! There is actually a NAME for people with my condition !! People who get overly excited, and intensely creative, about October 31st, Halloween, are known as Home Haunters! And we have a mission ! To bring fun, and spookiness, and a feeling of community back to the celebration of Halloween. (okay, I just made that part up) Of course, it's ALL for the kids . . . Bless their little hearts! (Ah-hem, cough, cough.) I have always known that there were others out there, but they're few and far between. Now, thanks to the internet, we can all glory in our sickness. We can ban together and change the world - or at least Halloween. I can finally come out of the closet and hold my head up high. I don't have to be ashamed anymore!

In fact, over the past couple of days, I've discovered that home haunters are wonderful people. There are sites that have been put together so that they can all share their knowledge, wisdom, and expertise. Also, so that they can show off their awesomely cool front yards and garages, and brag about how much candy they gave out, and how many people they scared the crap out of . It's SO cool !! Many of the home haunters who have been doing it for years have Home Haunting Blogs that are almost as cool as their yards.

I'm discovering all the things that go into a really spooky Halloween home haunt. There are pages, upon pages, of detailed intructions (with photos, of course) on how to pull off some of the coolest things. I wish I had known about this last year, there are alot of tricks and devices that I could have used for our Insane Asylum. I am planning to use alot of the ideas that I found, this year, on our Hotel Transylvania. When I showed some of these sites and photos to Roy and the kids, we all agreed that we need to start planning and working on next year's Home haunt shortly after New Years. They are totally into all this. Well, mostly the kids and I - Roy was in one of his grumpy moods, but he'll be into it because, he's good at stuff like this, and also, because he can't say no to either me or the kids. (he, he) We've pretty much got him wrapped around our little fingers.

Okay, I need to get myself to bed at a decent hour tonight. I've got lots to plan, lots to do.

Good night all.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Life is good again

WOOOOOO HOOOOO !!!!! It's Monday ! I knew it would finally come ! The sun is shining, the rain is gone. The weather is mild and beautiful ! And I've been promised a whole week of this glorious goodness.

I am once again in the dogs' good graces. They've been walked, fed, watered, and brushed. and they're all presently napping contentedly on the back deck while the sun warms their fur. GOOD DOGS.

I'm going to head out and do a little Halloween prop shopping before the kids get home. I'm hoping to start setting up the graveyard this week. Only 47 days till Halloween - so muh to do!

Love to all,

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Rainy day daydreaming

Well, it's been another day of gloomy, grey skies here. Jake and Heather spent the day at the mall with their friends this morning, so I had plenty of time to finish putting my house back in order. At least, most of it.

So this afternoon, I've been just sort of sitting around, gazing out the window, and daydreaming. I've been thinking for a long time now that I could use a vacation. Maybe, It's the monotony of the whole housewife drudgery - thing; maybe, I'm just a selfish bitch that wants to be spoiled rotten. I know that my husband would be more than happy to spoil me rotten - if we didn't have kids that demand every second of our time, every penny that he makes, and every ounce of our energy. Dear God, they're sucking the very life force from our minds, bodies, and relationship. I suspect that over the course of the next ten years, they will leave us looking and feeling like mindless, drooling, zombies. Well, at least things won't change much for Roy. (ha ha-just kidding)

Anyway, I'm thinking that maybe we should start with just a weekend away together. We don't even have to go far. There is a place here in Kansas City, Kansas that I'd really like to check out. It's sort of a bed and breakfast/romantic getaway type place called Chateau Avalon.*They have all these rooms and they each have a different romantic theme. Things like The Renaissance, Roman Dynasty, Tropical Tree House, Jesse James' Escape, Egypt, almost anything you could imagine. And of course, all kinds of romantic extras. We could check in, and never have to leave the room! I would totally love that!! All I have to do is plan out all the details and figure out what to do with the kids while we're away. Roy is really bad about putting things together, he just isn't very creative. ( Of course, once I've done all the work, he's usually more than happy to co-operate - Isn't he sweet?)

Oh well, once I get through our annual Halloween production, I'll need a new project. Our 20th anniversary is in March. I could get to work on it after the holidays. If I can pull this off, Maybe I can plan something with the whole family for this Summer? I guess stranger things have happened.

Well, Jake has gone to spend the night with Patrick, and Heather has invited a friend from school to stay the night. They are wanting to bake cupcakes. I don't know why, we have so much junk food around here already. I guess little girls need projects for rainy days too.

Time to get off my butt, and make sure that they don't set the house on fire.

* Click on this link and the 23 themes are listed at the bottom of the page. (three catagories) Click on any theme and you can take a virtual tour of the suite.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Soggy Days

Hey there,

When Roy left for work this morning, he left the T.V. tuned to the Weather Channel and their live coverage of Hurricane Ike. I sat on the couch trying to wake up, and noticed that the skies in Texas looked eerily similar to the skies that have been hovering over us, in Kansas, for the past week. I'm so tired of all the rain and gloomy weather. I'm tired of the humidity, and the way that it resurrects every odor that has ever existed in a rental house. Today, it just seems like the whole world is a big, smelly, wet dog. And I don't think it's just my house, I've been running all over town today and everyone seems to feel the same way. According to my Yahoo weather forecast, we won't be seeing the sun until Monday; and then, the leftovers from Ike will be headed our way. Normally, rainy weather doesn't bother me much, but things around here have just been . . . stressful. Right now, I feel like I could use a vacation some where warm and sunny for a few days to regroup.

Nick finally called this evening to let me know that he is settling in at Rehab. When he woke up last Wednesday, he was just totally wiped out, both mentally and physically, from his lasted binge. I guess that timing is everything because, he didn't even argue with me when I told him how things were going to happen. He willingly called the detox and did his phone screening. He had an appointment at 3PM to have the wires removed from his jaw, so we decided that he would check in after he finished at the oral surgeon's office. In the meantime, he packed his bags and helped Jennifer load her things into her car. As the day wore on, the shakes left him and he started to feel better. He asked me if he could skip the detox and go directly to rehab at The Salvation Army. I told him that it was up to him, but he absolutely HAD to do something. He started making calls, making arrangements with his lawyer, and found out that the Salvation Army could find a bed for in him within 24 hours. Last night, he was told that he could check in this morning.

So, today has been the first day in a long time, without the worry and insanity that goes along with living with an addict. I had about a million things to do, and catch up on, but I'm doing my best to take things slowly, and to not replace one kind of stress, with another. So I only attempted to deal with a couple of higher priority tasks. This evening, I'm just sitting on the couch, watching T.V., and listening to the rain. Both Jake and Heather have friends over, and I'm just letting them be kids and enjoy feeling relaxed and at home.

I just wish that I could do the same for my dogs. Poor babies haven't been out to walk and burn off some energy all week. We did have a wild and crazy game of ball in the living room the other night, but it's not enough. I may have to take a walk in the rain this weekend. That might not be so awful, provided I can remain relaxed and positive. I'll just have to live with the frizzy hair look.

Okay, I'm going to try and get some extra sleep tonight. Have a great weekend everyone.



Memories of 9/11

I remember, it was an absolutely glorious September morning. I had just dropped off my children at school, and I was headed back home, cruising down the back streets, windows down, listening to my favorite radio station. I remember exactly where I was. The disc jockey's came on after a song and said they just received a video over the press wires that had them feeling puzzled. They tried to describe what they were seeing; an explosion? No, a plane had crashed into the world trade center. They were unclear as to whether it was a freak accident, or something more sinister. Seconds later, they grew frantic as they described a second plane crashing into the second tower. By that time, I was pulling into the drive. I rushed inside to watch CNN. Nick had just returned home from a treatment program a few days earlier, and he was just beginning to re-adjust to a normal home life. He seemed confused when I grabbed the remote from his hands, and began searching the channels. He was shocked into silence when I told him to, "shut up for a minute."

For the next several hours, we both sat in silence as the events unfolded and footage was played and replayed, narrated by mostly speculation, shock, and confusion from the most seasoned newscasters. I couldn't ever recall a time when network reporters were left speechless, or reduced to pure emotions.

I remember feeling my empty stomach begin to roll as people began to jump/fall from the windows on the upper floors.

As reports slowly began coming in regarding the remaining planes still in the air, and those unaccounted for, they began to get reports of another attack on the pentagon. I think that is when it finally hit me that no one was safe anywhere. Real fear, panic and thoughts of what could possibly come next, began to fill my mind.

When the towers began to collapse and the smoke and debris covered the city, I could no longer remain on the edge of the couch. I was up and pacing the floor to relieve my anxiety. I remember the words that rushed into my mind, "Dead, dead, they're all dead. Thousands and thousands of people, all dead. They didn't have time to walk all those stairs." And then, the images on the screen turned to chaos. People running. People crying. People bleeding and gasping for air.

That's when I had to take my first break. I went outside onto the balcony and looked around. The sun was still shinning, the birds were still singing in my part of the world, except there were no planes in the air. The traffic on the streets was unusually light, almost like it was during the early AM hours. All of the usual morning joggers and dog walkers were strangely absent. Every thing was strangely still and quiet.

When I came back inside, Nick had begun to flip through the channels. I knew that he would find the same story on every channel, but he would periodically stop when he heard a piece of new information. It would be days before we could sort through how much of it was actually true, and how much was just fearful speculation. As he reached the higher numbered cable channels, where the specialty channels reside; places like HGTV, The History Channel, Court TV - they were all blank. Just blue screen with the channel's logo in the corner, and a simple one to two line statement, that said, in one way or another, that in light of current events, it seemed inappropriate to continue with normal life, or regular programing. A few channels, who couldn't find the words to express themselves, merely broadcast an American flag, waving in the breeze. Scanning through these various statements, it suddenly hit home just how much our world had changed in one morning.

I told him to go backwards, to where the local channels were located. I wanted to know how our city was responding to the events. Local channels were reporting that area city, state, and federal buildings were also being evacuated and closed as a precaution. News footage showed local police, fire departments, and army reserve troops blocking off and barricading the streets surrounding those buildings.

My thoughts switched to my children at the nearby elementary school. My instincts told me that they were safe, but my distrust of public education caused me concern. I remembered back to the space shuttle disaster, almost 16 years earlier. Many public school classrooms had wheeled in televisions so that the children could watch the historic space shuttle lift off. A flight that included several civilians, including a public school teacher. Instead, they were traumatised by witnessing the the horrifying explosion, and instant death of everyone aboard. With public schools deciding that it was their place to teach our children about everything from the theory of evolution to how to wear a condom, I worried if they would be ignorant enough to allow them to witness this historic event?

After CNN reported that the last, unaccounted for, air flight had crash landed in a field in Pennsylvania, and that there were no survivors, I needed to get out of the house for a while. I couldn't take anymore. I called my husband, who was at work, and arranged to meet him at a nearby gas station during his lunch break. I immediately regretted his choice of meeting place. The station where I was to meet him, as well as every gas station along the way, was packed with people who were filling up their gas tanks in anticipation of the inevitable response to the attack. I went inside to buy a pack of cigarettes, and listened to the frightened chatter of the other people waiting in line to pay. I remember an elderly man came walking in. He had obviously not turned on a T.V., or radio, all day. He cheerfully asked if they were having a sale on gas. The blunt and terrified response from the crowd of people nearly knocked him off his feet and back out the door.

I got my cigarettes and went to wait in the car. I turned on the radio to see if there was any new information. Every channel had suspended music play, and had a panel of various experts, most of which I had never heard of, discussing who could be responsible for such a horrible attack, and who we should kill in response.

Roy pulled up next to me in his work van about 1:30PM. I climbed into the seat next to him and we talked for a while. It was comforting just to see him and to talk about things that didn't involve death and disaster for a while. Eventually, he had to go back to work. I climbed down out of the cab and stood there holding the door open. I nervously asked him if he thought I should pick up the kids from school early. He said, "I think they're fine, but if it makes you feel better to have them at home with you, pick them up. Just don't make a big thing out of it."

As I drove back toward the house, I realised that, yes, I did want to have my children close by, just to be close to them. Before heading home, I took a three block detour and stopped by the school. I walked into the school office and signed them both out for the day - I told them that they had dentists' appointments that I had forgotten about. As I stood waiting for them to arrive from their class rooms, a reporter from a local news station arrived with a camera man following him. He walked up to the counter and asked the school Secretary if they had many children being picked up early by panicked parents? I couldn't resist waiting to hear her response. She must have been a card carrying member of the National Education Association because, she gazed at the reporter like he was a disgusting, new kind of bug. In her best mean teacher voice she said, "No." and turned away from him, and back to her work. I decided to wait for the kids in the hall. Seconds later, they followed me into the hall, and out the front door, grumbling about what a bitch she was.

By the time I got the kids home and sent outside to play, They were replaying the most graphic and frightening film footage, and gearing up for a presidential address. For the rest of the evening, I alternated between keeping the kids occupied, so that Roy could catch up with news and information he had missed while he was at work, and feeling like a total zombie.

I remember that in the weeks that followed, everything changed. People were suspicious and paranoid, and American flags appeared on almost every house. Another strange thing that I noticed: that year, at Halloween, there were no decorations on homes, and even stores down played the holiday. There was no mention of the missing holiday. It just seemed that everyone had had enough of death and scary things.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Plan

Hi guys,

I'm okay, I'm just struggling with these pills. I know, I begged and bitched for the doctor to "just give me some freakin' pills"; then, I find out that the only thing that works, happens to be hormones! Sheesh, I'm walking around in tears over everything!!!! And the F'ed up thing is, I have a hundred and one really good reasons to cry every day! The hormones just make it way too easy to be a basket case.

So . . . here's the newest scoop around here. Nick is a mess. Um, well, that's not really "new", he's just finally crossed the line of excess, (again) and I have to do something. He came home this afternoon and had to be, literally, carried into the house. ( the result of 3 pints of Vodka.) Once we got him into bed, I noticed several needle tracks on his arm. (A result of last weekend's adventures, I later discovered) He has spent the remainder of the afternoon, and most of this evening, bawling his eyes out and threatening suicide. So, of course, I cried right along with him -why not? I know that he's just drunk and talking shit, but at least I had someone to cry with for a change.

Fortunately, I saw this coming. ( either mother's intuition, or I've spent way too many years dealing with drunks and drug addicts) I made some phone calls this afternoon, and I have a bed at detox that is waiting for him tomorrow morning. I also called the bail bondsman and found out how to have him picked up and escorted to jail - to detox the hard way - for about 8 months - just in case.

He was finally able to see the wisdom of detox versus jail. So tonight I am baby sitting a drunk - just to make sure that he doesn't change his mind and try to run ( I have possession of ALL the keys in the house) or do something stupid (or stupider) in the meantime.

Once I get the kids to school, and Nick dropped off at detox, I need to help Jennifer pack and send her back home to her mom. I had a chat with her mom this evening and it's all arranged - except for the tears - and I'm sure there will be plenty more of that. God, I HATE estrogen !!!! If all goes according to plan, I might be able to get a couple hours sleep before the kids get home from school.

Of course, he will have to go to court, and eventually serve his jail time, but if he can get a head start on his sobriety, and maybe get the wires removed from his jaws first, He might have a better chance of staying sober when he gets out. I know that there is very little I can do to help him overcome his addictions - He is the one that has to do it. But I know that recovery is possible, it can be done, so the very least I can give my son is hope. When push comes to shove, that's probably the only thing that I can offer him.

I've spent a large part of this evening listening to people who are very angry, and don't feel that Nick deserves any more "chances". There's a rather vocal group of people who are screaming for blood. They think that he should go directly to jail - do not pass go, do not collect $200.00. The truth is, he'll get there soon enough, they'll get their pound of flesh. They seem to forget that I am the one dealing with all the insanity first hand - I'm pretty damn pissed off too! But I'm also his mother. I don't have the luxury of responding to every emotion that I am assaulted with on a moment to moment basis. My life would be so much easier if I sent him to jail for 8-10 months. (I could use 8-10 months of peace and sanity in my house.) But unlike the courts and "other pissed off people", I have to think about the long term effects of that choice.

Locking him up for 8 -10 months, in his current state of mind, wouldn't result in recovery or rehabilitation. Not only do statistics prove that, but I know it to be true in my heart. Until he can own up to, and understand why he has to serve his time, he will only grow more sick in that environment. I know that sounds like an insanity defense, but isn't that what AA teaches addiction is? If he is locked up, without even the tiniest glimmer of hope, I might as well help him commit suicide.

Hell, I could sit here all night justifying my decisions to people who have no concept of addiction, or what it's like to spend time in our correctional system. The truth is, they don't care. I so envy their ignorance and point of perspective.

Okay, everything seems quiet downstairs. I think he is finally sleeping. I'm going to try and catch some sleep as well.

If you pray, pray for Nick and our family, please ?

Love to all,

Monday, September 8, 2008

Between a rock and a hard place

I'm having a meltdown today. I don't know if it's the dumb ass hormones that the Doctor gave me, or my blood sugar levels, or just being in an impossible situation created by people that have their heads up their asses. Either way, I'm taking a little break until I can focus and be normal. I will be back, hopefully soon. If my head doesn't explode in the meantime.

Love you all,

Friday, September 5, 2008

THIS is my life ?

I'd really like to say that today has been a better day. . . Of course, I can't seem to escape the fact that this is still my life, so a certain amount of craziness is to be expected.

First, I guess the good news. Around 2PM, my bleeding just suddenly decided to lighten up. Not cease mind you, but it's seems a lot more normal. At about the same time, the Doctor's nurse called to say that she has set an appointment for me to see the ob/gyn at 8AM Friday. In the mean time, I was told to go to the outpatient lab at the hospital, and have some blood work run so that the results would be available for the doctor tomorrow morning when she sees me. Hopefully, she'll look at all my tests, decide that it's just some kind of hormonal quirk, give me some pills, maybe an iron shot, and send me home to live happily ever after. Well, I can dream, can't I?

I haven't spent much time in bed today, but I haven't really accomplished anything productive either. I just feel totally wrung out. I probably would have taken more advantage of the bed rest order, if I hadn't woke this morning to find that Nick had decided to quit his job. Even more absurd, when Nick quit his job and came home, Jennifer decided to do the same !!! (I mean, she HAS worked two whole days at her new job - that seems to be the limit of her endurance) So the two of them spent the day hiding out down stairs, in their room. (Probably trying to avoid me and my anger.) They didn't come out until Roy and I went to the hospital. As we came home, they were just returning from walking the dogs. Nick tried his best to avoid me, but I got close enough to smell alcohol on his breath. For the rest of the day, they made a couple of mysterious, and unexplained trips out of the house, and immediately went directly back to hiding. All of this makes me very suspicious. The two of them are either plotting to skip out on his bond, or they are just too stupid to have any idea what to do. Which will of course, result in a huge mess. Nick has done nothing about his upcoming court date. He has yet to retain a lawyer, so far, he's spent all of his money on fixing Jennifer's car, and now, he has no future income at all. It certainly doesn't appear that they are able to hold up their end of their agreement.

I'm going to have to sit down with them and have a talk. Unfortunately, right now, I have other things to deal with. Jake's birthday is Monday, and he has planned to have several friends over tomorrow night for a sleep over, and then, a skate party on Saturday. Saturday night, I have my three year old grandson, spending the night. In addition, Heather's youth group has a pie sale scheduled for this weekend at the Old Settler's Days in town. ( Old Settler's is a yearly festival for Olathe.) Heather has volunteered to work shifts on all three days. In fact, I spent this evening supervising her as she baked six pies for it.

I really haven't time to deal with Nick and Jennifer's bullshit, or any of their dramas this weekend. If they do anything to screw things up, I won't have any other option, but to kill them both. In which case, I'd have to take time to clean up the mess, and to figure out how to dispose of their bodies, and THAT would really piss me off. ( Of course, I did just watch Sweeney Todd . . . and Heather's youth group IS having a pie sale . . . I wonder . . . Nah, I couldn't . . . or could I?)

You know what really pisses me off the most? I had one whole day that I could have spent in bed -without guilt. I should have had the whole house to myself. But noooo, Roy only had two jobs to do, and for some reason, he decided to put them off. Nick and Jennifer, both choose today to quit their jobs! So, instead of resting, I had to deal with a houseful of idiots who all need to have their asses kicked for being a bunch irresponsible morons. But you know, that's my life.

I need to get myself to bed, I have an early day tomorrow.

Good night.


Wednesday, September 3, 2008


I'm not supposed to be out of bed, but I'm dying of boredom. The last three or four days have been rough. I'm totally exhausted, achy, and it feels like my left ovary is trying to burst out of my body. I am currently on week 4 of the period from hell. Unfortunately, it's showing no signs of letting up anytime soon - unless I bleed to death. Over the past couple of days, that's become a very real possibility. Roy has been on my ass to call the doctor for the past week. This morning, it got so bad, I finally caved in and called. I'm not too sure it was such a good idea.

Instead of giving me a pill, he sent me to the hospital to have a sonogram. They seem to think that I have an ovarian cyst that is hemorrhaging. I figured, 'okay, maybe now, he'll give me a pill to make it stop,' But noooo, he wants me to see an ob/gyn tomarrow, and in the meantime, I should "stay off my feet." Right, what freakin' world does HE live in?

I'm just feeling very frustrated and well . . .exhausted. I don't see why he can't just give me the damn pill ! I KNOW that have a pill that will stop the bleeding, they're just holding out on me. It'll be much easier to figure out what's wrong after I feel better. Damn doctors.

I'm going back to bed . . .grumble, grumble, grumble!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


Wanna play a guessing game? What do you think this is a photo of? Give up?
Well, since yesterday was the unofficial last day of summer, (officially, Autumn begins on the 22nd of this month.) I was assessing what I have to show for a season of sun. The bronze image on the right, is a close up of my forearm. The pale, almost florescent white shape on the left, is my shin.
Yup, my legs are so white, they almost literally, glow in the dark. The phrase 'alabaster skinned,' doesn't even begin to describe how white I am. In spite of that, I am really quite pleased with the results on my upper limbs. And, all this was accomplished without even trying, or even a single sun burn. (at least, not this year.) Just two to three hours a day of dog walking, and an occasional afternoon of gardening.
Of course, I have to admit, my legs have not seen the light of day since . . . Oh gosh, I don't think I've worn a pair of shorts since . . . uh, 1990? At this point in my life, I don't even own a pair. I'm not ashamed of my legs, they're really one of my best features. They maybe short, (I'm only 5 foot, 2 inches tall - or 24.40 cm) but they're trim, well muscled, and very solid. Every now and then, I'll show them off in a dress, but only with a pair of pantyhose to add some color.
Anyway, I was rubbing some moisturizer on my legs before bed, and had to giggle at the contrast in color. Everyone else is asleep, and I just had to share with someone.
Sleep tight.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Some restrictions apply

This morning, my sweet husband woke early, read my blog, and realising how much getting a new headboard/foot board for our bed meant to me, he drove to The Salvation Army store early to make sure that my happiness was accomplished. When he got there, he found a line outside the store almost a block long! Fortunately, they were just opening the doors and he rushed inside to snatch the tag for my headboard. He rushed to the register, and as he stood in line to pay, the store manager made the following announcement:

"Any item dated August 8th, or later, is NOT included in our Labor Day Sale. Only items dated August 8th, or before, will be reduced 75%."

Roy looked down at the tag and saw the date listed as August 15th. When he reached the cashier, she verified that his item was NOT included in the 75% sale. After a few choice words, he left empty handed, and came home to give me the sad news. Later that morning, I found the flier that I picked up on Friday night. The text is exactly the same as the three over sized posters plastered to the store windows.

How can a store use the word "ALL" six times in reference to a sale, and then, wait until after the sale begins, to state such an absurd restriction ? I am pissed ! Roy is pissed, and I'm guessing that a lot of other people, who waited in line this morning, are pissed too. It's just so WRONG.

Roy told me that if he'd had $50.00 on his pocket, he would have bought it for me anyway. I'm glad that he didn't. I told him that if I was going to spend $50.00, or more, on a headboard, I'll go to Nebraska Furniture Mart and buy something really nice. Besides, screw them - I was in no mood to make a donation to the Salvation Army after they pulled a dirty trick like that.

So, instead of putting the finishing touches on my bed, I spent the day cleaning Jake and Heather's bed rooms. I figured since I was already feeling pissed off and frustrated, I might as well go with that theme for the day. Surprisingly, Jake and Heather's rooms really weren't as bad as they could have been after a long weekend. So, at the end of the day, I find myself feeling a reasonable degree of accomplishment, satisfaction, and a fair dose of relief at having that chore out of the way.

I'm really hoping that this will turn out to be a better week. If all goes as planned, Roy, Nick, and Jennifer, will start back to work tomorrow. Heather will go back to school, and we'll just have to wait and see how Jake feels in the morning. Poor baby, he has been sick all day, and running a slight fever. Fortunately, Jake really enjoys school and I can trust him to go if he feels up to it. And if he doesn't, He won't be a problem to have at home - he's a good guy.

Oh, Mel - I got a call from C. yesterday ! Apparently, he is still alive and kickin'. He's been staying busy getting his new shop off the ground, and all the "usual stuff."

Anyway, I need to get myself off to bed. Hope you all have a great week !

Love ya,