Sunday, December 9, 2007

* Icy Memories












These are some photos that I found on the web of the last ice storm here in Kansas.



Hi there,

Oh my, it's just after midnight here. Things are pretty quiet. I have bodies of kids and dogs splayed out every which way on couches, and all over the floor, of my living room. No blood, and I'm relatively sure that they are all still breathing - just sleeping like rocks. Nick is on the couch, and I've had to wake him a couple of times to have him re-adjust himself; his head keeps tilting over at an odd angle that looks so painful. It reminds me of when they were babies. For years, I couldn't sleep without checking each bed, or crib, before I turned off the lights, and some of their sleeping positions would induce either laughter or panic, depending on the night.
With 90% of the furniture space filled with kids, the poor dogs have been reduced to sleeping on the floor. Getting from one end of the living room to the other, is much like a game of twister. I can always tell if Peter is really sleeping, or just napping. When he is really asleep, his tongue sticks out of his mouth about an inch or two. When he wakes up, the end of his tongue is dried out and stuck in that position. He usually walks around for several minutes, completely oblivious of how ridiculous he looks. When we giggle at him, he perks up his ears, wrinkles up his forehead, and quizzically tilts his head at us, which is absolutely hysterical. Eventually, he saunters off to dip his tongue in the water dish and get "unstuck".

The freezing rain and sleet has been falling since around noon, but it's such a light, misty kind of rain that the streets were fine, as long as people were out and about. But now that the traffic has all but disappeared, I've been watching the big city salt trucks cruise up and down the streets with their lights flashing. It's funny how things like that become such a mental trigger for all kinds of memories. As a child, laying in bed at night, seeing the truck's yellow bubble lights shine through the bed room window and reflect onto the walls around my bedroom. And wishing and praying that they would run out of salt so that they would cancel school the next day. Or watching the trucks pass by the window as a wife and mother, waiting for the return home of my husband, or a child that is new to winter driving. But the low rumble of the engines, and the slow flashing yellow lights always mean winter and home for me.

However, this is NOT the "ice storm" that everyone has been fearing. I'm a little disappointed. Once every four or five years we get a good one that shuts the city down. (and the last one was about 6 years ago.) And in their own way, the ice storms are beautiful. Everything sparkles as though it's coated in crystal. The trees are especially beautiful. Unfortunately, it usually only lasts a few days. Eventually, the sun melts the ice, or the weight becomes too much, and there comes a day when all you can hear is snap, crackle, crash. The last ice storm took a full year to recover from. There were designated debris sites all over the city, where people brought their branches. Those sites literally became small mountains of sticks. ( 4-5 stories high) It took all summer, and most of the fall, for the city to haul it all away and chip them into mulch.

Well, my husband, Mr. Excitement, toddled off to bed right after dinner, around 8:30 pm. I'm thinking that I need to go join him soon. I'm just rambling anyway. I think I'll leave all these sleepy heads right where they are. They're too big to carry, and their old enough to get themselves off to bed when their tired. Regardless, I'll be waking up to a living room that looks like a motel room in need of maid service.

I hope everyone has/had a great weekend.
Love,
Susan

Saturday, December 8, 2007

* Holiday Thoughts and Reasonings.

Hey there !

I have some thing that I'd like to share with you. The other day, I recieved a news letter from the pastor of the youth group that Jake is part of. We don't attend this church, but I like this pastor, and I'm trying to talk Roy into giving it a try. Anyway, this particular piece wasn't written by him either. It's from a "60 Minutes" broadcast a few years back. It's an excerpt of what Harry Reasoner had to say about the Holiday season and Christmas time. It's one of those things that just seemed so true and honest, that I sat and had to read it three or four times.


This is what he said :

"Eleven years ago, I did a little Christmas piece and it seemed like a good idea to repeat it. The basis for this tremendous burst of buying things, and gift giving, and parties, and near hysteria, is a quiet event that Christians believe actually happened a long time ago.

You can say that in all societies there has always been a midwinter festival, and that many of the trappings of our Christmas are almost violently pagan. But, you come back to the central fact of the day and the quietness of Christmas morning, the birth of God on earth. It leaves you only three ways of accepting Christmas.

One, is cynically, as a time to make money and endorse the making of it.
One, is graciously, that's the appropriate attitude for non-Christians who wish their fellow citizens all the joys to which their beliefs entitle them.
And the third, of course, is reverently. If this is the anniversary of the appearance of the Lord of the universe in the form of a helpless babe, it is a very important day. It is a startling idea, of course.

The whole story that a virgin was selected by God to bear his son as a way of showing His love and concern for man. It's my guess that inspite of all the lip service given to it, it's not an idea that has been popular with theologians. It's somewhat an illogical idea, and theologians like logic almost as much as they like God. It's so revolutionary a thought, that it probably could only come from God, that is beyond logic and beyond theology. It has magnificent appeal. Almost nobody has seen God, and almost nobody has any real idea what He is like. And the truth that is among men, the idea of seeing God, suddenly and in a very bright light, is not necessarily a completely comforting or appealing idea. But everyone has seen babies, and almost everyone likes them.

If God wanted to be loved as well as feared, He moved correctly, for a baby growing up learns all about people. And if God wanted to be intimately a part of man, He moved correctly, for the experience of birth and family-hood is the most intimate and precious experience that any of us will ever have.

So it comes beyond logic. It is either a falsehood, or it is the truest thing in the world. It is the story of the great innonce of God the baby. God, in the power of man, has such a dramatic shock toward the heart that if it is not true to Christians, then nothing is true. So if a person is touched only once a year, the touching is still worth it. And maybe, on some given Christmas, some final quiet morning, that touch will take. The touch of God, coming into this world as a vunerable baby."


Have a great Holiday Season, and a beautiful Christmas time.
Love,
Susan

Friday, December 7, 2007

* Snowy expectations

Hey there,

Yesterday was a day of ups and downs. That's not exactly true. I was up, and stayed up for the better part of the day; then, I crashed. I awoke to beautiful, white snowflakes drifting down from the heavens. I instantly felt that wintertime nesting warmth fill my spirit. I woke Heather, knowing how much she loves the snow. She sat up, looked out the window, and was filled with wonder. As soon as I got things squared away with Heather, I decided that I needed a few things at the store before the snow got too heavy. When I got home, I set about my days chores and in record time, my house was clean, and filled with the warmth of glowing candles, and filled with the smells of chili, cornbread, and home made cookies baking. I was pleased to see that the snow had managed to lure Heather outside for some playtime with her friends. The dogs, were thrilled with the snow. I've always found that a good snowfall can bring out the puppy in even the oldest dog, and cause puppies to literally tremble with joy. And to be honest, I was fairly overflowing with contentment. So much, that I had envisioned this lovely evening of my husband and oldest son coming home from work to a hot meal and "together time" as a family.

That didn't happen. Roy had taken Nick to a 4:30 pm court appointment, and because of the snow, the judge didn't arrive until 6:00pm. During their wait, they gorged themselves on fast food. By the time that they got home, not only were they uninterested in food, but they had their own agenda. Roy's only interest was an hour of mind numbing television, and an early bed time. He had come down with a stomach virus on Monday, and with Roy, there is no such thing as a 24 hour virus. Every illness is a 7 day, poor - me - pity - party. Nick had decided to spend his evening chatting with his girlfriend on the phone. So much for my warm, family night. Oh well. I do that sometimes. I get so full of my own ideas that when it doesn't work out, I feel disappointed and frustrated. I think it's a woman thing that men just can't seem to comprehend. So, after Jake and Heather's exhausting day of snow play, they went to bed early. Roy and Nick were unconscious by 9 pm, and I was left all alone with my disappointment for the rest of the evening. *SIGH* That's the way it goes. So ...I ended up spending the evening snuggled with my dogs on the couch, watching "Eight Below", which always makes me cry. How pathetic and sappy is that ?

So Anyway, today was good. No fresh snowfall or anything, but good. I got alot accomplished. I've spent most of the evening at the grocery store preparing for the up coming ice storm that they are forecasting for the weekend. And No, I'm not getting my hopes up for some grand family adventure. I suspect that if we actually get the predicted ice storm, my house will be filled with the kids from next door, and my husband will be engrossed in various football games. Maybe I'll just find a good book and spend the weekend relaxing.

Okay, It's bed time for me.
Good night All.
Love ,
Susan

Thursday, December 6, 2007

* Triumphs and tradgedies

Hey,



Know what I just discovered ? Apparently, it's official, the world really has gone to hell in a hand basket ! I had no idea. I've just been puttering along, doing my own thing, dealing with my trivial little personal crisis' on occasion, completely oblivious to the state of the planet and all the other inhabitants. Who would've thought that the state of the earth had reached such a crescendo of horror?

It's like every freakin' looney bin in the world gave all the patients a day pass at one time !!
People running around shooting and stabbing each other willy-nilly, people plowing into each other in cars, and then, driving around town with bodies stuck in their windshields? God's wrath being poured out on humanity in a dozen different places at once, and Keifer Southerlin is going to jail ? What the HELL are people thinking? Don't they know that it's Christmas time?

And if that's not crazy enough, in the midst of all this insanity, there are actually people who WANT to be the president of this country!?! Have they never seen the before and after photos of people who have had that job in the past ?

Note to Self: Never read the internet news headlines !

Especially, not before I blog. Suddenly, anything that I have to say seems completely insignificant. Oh my God, I think, that my brain is going to explode. I guess, every once in a while, I need to remind myself why I chose to live my life "out of the loop." I can't even imagine what it must be like to be a news person somewhere like CNN. There wouldn't be enough anti-depressants in the WORLD !!

Okay, I need to breathe deeply, and regroup.



Alright. As I mentioned before, my life has been pretty much puttering right along. Over this past week, things have fallen into a manageable rhythm. School work, house work, walk the dogs, do the dinner time thing, catch up on what ever still needs done. I know that it all seems pretty mundane, but the fact that it all contributes to the happiness and security of the people that I love, gives me happiness and satisfaction. I know that sounds corny, but it's true - my little world may have its moments of crisis and chaos, but it's all pretty simple and straight -forward. I think that's a good thing.



It looks like my oldest son will be staying here at home for a while longer. He went to return to ARC and discovered that his case manager hasn't even been notified of his dismissal, so he can't be re-admitted until they speak to her. He called her today, and if they were unable make contact with her before 5pm, then she will be out of town for the next week. ( I'm not holding my breath that they will suddenly see this as a priority) I'm sort of secretly wondering if they can stay tangled up in their red tape until after Christmas ? It would be nice to have him home, but I still worry if that would be best for HIM. I think I'll leave that for God to figure out, and do my best not to be disappointed either way.



Here on the prairie, the weather has been cool and crisp with occasional cold, blustery days. Today was one of those days when we dropped down to freezing, and the wind chill was close to 19 degrees. (-7.2C) I love all the seasons, but I tend to dislike being out and about in temperatures that are either above 90 (32C) or below freezing. (I know, I'm such a spoiled little princess) However, I've decided to challenge myself on this, and I make it a point to TRY to get the dogs out for at least one mile, every day. (unless it is dangerously cold or hot) So I bundled up, and off we went.

I really am so proud of the way my dogs are learning to behave themselves. They used to be all over the place, pulling and tugging, and spazzing out over every little thing. (especially strangers and other dogs.) But lately, when I see a kid on a skateboard, a jogger, or another dog walker, I try to see it as an opportunity for them to improve, and learn to deal with the world, without freaking out. Of course, with 5 dogs - all of them with very different personalities -it takes alot of patience and consistency, but they are ALL improving.
Today, as I was walking Peter and Midnight along the path, we encountered several people and situations that they handled fairly well. Just as my confidence was starting to build, we came to a section of the path that is always a challenge. Part of the walking trail is right behind a veterinarian's office. And my dogs noses always want to lead me every which way, as they go sniffing after all the other dogs smells that have been left around that area when the dogs are exercised. Well, this afternoon, we arrived during exercise time ! As we came around the corner, I spied a vet tech walking a large German Shepard. Naturally, I prefer challenges to be on a smaller scale. But, instead of turning back, we kept walking, and I started praying. Just as Pete and Midnight noticed the other dog, the vet tech took it inside the office. I let out a big sigh and relaxed. We traveled on, and just as we were passing the door to the vet's office, the door opens again; and out steps the vet tech with a male Rottweiler, almost twice as big as the German Sheppard !! I didn't even have time to react, and it took me almost 3 full minutes to actually realise that my boys had behaved like perfect gentlemen !!! I KNOW that they saw the other dog, but they just kept walking !!! YAY !!! Either my dogs are smarter than they look, or they are finally starting to learn something.

On the other hand, I'm starting to get concerned about Phoenix, the other puppy, who at 10 months old, is turning into more of a rebellious, boundary-pushing teenager. If he were human, he'd be in juvenile detention. I adore him, but I have always suspected that he was one that needed to be watched. From day one, I could sense a dominate streak in him. He has always been gentle here at home, but either he is starting to display dominance issues with other dogs, or he has a very warped sense of humor. Whenever we are out, and come across another dog, he starts barking, his fur goes up, and he tries to rip my arm off to get at them. But since he doesn't seem to have the confidence needed to to kick some serious doggie butt, he immediately dashes behind ME for protection !!! It's like he's saying "Okay Mom. I got things stirred up, now you take it from here." This is not a situation that I'd like to be in if he decides to pick on a dog bigger than him - or bigger than me ! Usually, I ask myself, "Hmmm... what would cesar do?" I'm not even sure that I want to know what Cesar would do in this situation.

Well, it's getting late, and I think that I've settled down enough that the "news" won't give me nightmares, so I need to get my self to bed.

Have a great Thursday / Friday !

Love,
Susan

Monday, December 3, 2007

* Monday *

Hi there,

I survived another Monday - Yay for me ! After being so lethargic yesterday, I had no idea what to expect from today. I was more than a little worried that it would turn into a mess since I gave no thought or planning to it whatsoever. To my surprise, it went well.

Roy got Jake off to school without incident. Heather and I picked up on her home school where we left off, before last week's chaos. And Nick went to work with Roy.

When I woke up, my biggest concern was finding Nick a dentist who could see him right away, because I knew that he was almost out of pain pills. For I think, the first time ever, our Dentist had an opening within 24 hours !!! I snatched it up, and called to tell Nick. That's when he told me that he had decided to return to ARC tomorrow (it's been five days already) and they would get him in to see their dentist at no charge, I wouldn't even have to worry about transporting him. So that figures, the one time that I don't have to wait a week for an appointment, and I have to call and cancel it. Oh well.

It's been nice to have Nick home, unfortunately, he's obviously not ready to be home yet. He has behaved himself while he was here, and I realise that what he truly wants is to have his own life - to not be in anyone else's care. He just hasn't reached that point yet, he is still battling temptations on a minute by minute basis. The worst part of him returning to ARC, is that he will be on a 45 day restriction, like he was when he first started. Which means, he won't be eligible for a pass until mid January. That means ANOTHER Christmas without him - I hate that.

I finally got a hold of my mom. (that stubborn woman went to work today !!) After seeing the doctor, he reported that her oxygen level was up high enough that the doctor decided to let her stay out of the hospital. (which was a lucky thing for the doctor.)

Other than that, everything else in my day was smooth as silk. Knocked out my housework, took the dogs out for a walk, cooked, and cleaned up dinner, got the kids to do their homework, and off to bed on time ! Is that weird, or what ? After last week, I think I must have been overdue for a "good" day. I'm actually thinking of waking up my husband with a few snuggles when I go to bed - You know, see where it leads... Do I dare push my luck that far ? Maybe I'll say an extra prayer before I go to bed - he looked pretty worn out when he stumbled up the stairs.

I'm doing my best to enjoy the holiday season without thinking about the inevitable, dreaded shopping that's yet to come. I always wait until the last minute. Usually, due to finances. ( and the fact that my kids cannot be trusted with gifts hidden in the house.) I wish that they were still little; every year, the stuff that they want gets more expensive. And then, of course, there's the Christmas crowds, and parking lot insanity. Before I married Roy, I used to manage an optical shop in one of Kansas City's busiest malls. The optical industry gets very slow during the holidays, so you have alot of time to watch people as they bustle about, spreading holiday.... "cheer?" There were daily fist fights in the parking lots, as people fought for the best parking places, and who had been waiting for it the longest. Security inside the mall was usually tripled. And EVERYONE is rude and cranky; from the shoppers, to the store clerks, to the maintenance men, right down to Santa's elves. Watching all that for 13 Christmases straight will suck the Christmas spirit right out of a person. Even though I haven't worked at the mall for almost 18 years, I think that I still have post-traumatic stress from the whole experience. Poor me.

Alright, I really need to pry my butt out of the computer chair and do something constructive before it gets too late.

Have a wonderful Tuesday/Wednesday, depending on where you are.

Love to all,
Susan

Sunday, December 2, 2007

* December Stillness

* my house, at this moment >




Hello....

This has been one incredibly lazy, do-nothing Sunday. To be quite honest, I have no idea how I managed to pass the time. I have managed to squirm out of doing almost everything today.



Jake had a friend from school spend the night last night - I got Roy to run him home.
We ran out of smokes - I sent Roy.
Nick ran out of pain meds from the E.R. and was in excruciating pain - I got Roy to take him back for another dental block.
I didn't feel like cooking dinner - Nick cooked up some hamburgers and fries for everyone
Did I take the dogs for a walk? - Nope, too cold.
Did I clean house? - no point in doing that when everyone is home.


Hmmmm...What did I do? Nothing that I didn't want to do.
I took a long, hot shower,
I played with the dogs,
I goofed around on the computer,
and I made some snow flakes for our front window.

As I write this, it's 11:26 pm and the house is blissfully quiet.
No T.V.,
No lound music,
My husband, my children, and all my dogs, are snuggled down for the night,
All is still and peaceful.
This is a good way to end the day.
Goodnight.


























* Worries, Stress, and Denial - Oh my !

Hi,



Okay, I'm done. I've had enough of this week. Hopefully, Sunday, which technically started an hour and a half ago, will bring a new week with better news.



I was woke up this morning by my dogs barking at someone knocking at my front door. I threw on my robe and found Lesta, my sister in law. She stopped by on her way to work because she had been unable to reach me by phone earlier this week. She wanted to let me know that my mom has been sick, and off work, (my mom rarely misses work) since Tuesday. Of course with no phone or internet, not to mention my own dramas, I've been completely out of touch with the world. My mom had called the doctor earlier in the week and had gotten some antibiotics for flu like symptoms. My mom hates doctors and will do anything to avoid going to see one. However, She didn't get any better, and Friday, my brother, Mark, took her to actually see a doctor. Apparently, she has pneumonia - again. My mom was diagnosed with emphysema about three years ago, and has gotten pneumonia every winter since then. They wanted to put her in the hospital, but the only thing that my mom hates worse than doctors, are hospitals. She finally convinced them to give her some more, different, meds and promised to come back on Monday. Even when she's sick, my mom is the most stubborn, bull - headed, woman on the face of the planet - so, she almost always gets her way. I pity the fool who tries to argue with her.

So, not only was I worried about my mom, but now, I feel like the world's worst daughter. I should have called to check on her with my cell phone, but I kept thinking that I would get to the cable company "tomorrow" - which turned into three days. And I know that this sounds horrible, but for a moment, I felt resentful that Mark and Lesta are always the ones to inform me of what is going on with my mom. They are always the ones calling her, taking her out to dinner, and doing things for her. More than once, the phrase "suck ups" has crossed my mind. I know, I know, I'm evil. The reality is, Mark and Lesta didn't get married until they were both in their early forties, they have no children, and Lesta works at a nursing home so her mind is always thinking along the lines of what my mom might need. I am still trying to cope with the idea that my mom is really 67 years old. For some reason, my mind refuses to see my mom as anything other than strong and capeable. I am always referring to my mom as the "Queen of Denial," apparently, some of that has rubbed off on me. (which is another unpleasant thought.)

Anyway, I did call my mom. She claims that she's feeling better - which she would say whether it was true or not. So I really need to get out to see her tomorrow. My mom and I have had alot of issues over the years, but I think in alot of ways, I know her better than my brothers do - or at least I know a side of her that they can't understand. I need to leave Roy and the kids at home, and go visit. Which means, I need to get my ass off to bed.

Good night all,