Getting back on track

Okay, I am home now, and I guess the whole traffic court issue has been resolved. The DA finally called. She said, "Whatever, just come on in tonight, we'll figure out what to do." Of course, that's not an exact quote, I have no idea what she really said - I wasn't really listening. I was too pissed off because, by the time she got around to returning my call, it was almost 4:30 PM, and my day was shot.

When I got to court, She amended my ticket for 'failure to provide insurance', to a non - moving violation. ( so it won't affect my insurance rates or driving record) Then, she dismissed the original charge of 'failing to yield to an emergency vehicle'. And since I had long ago re-tagged my car, the charges of 'failure to register my car' were also dismissed. (she didn't even ask to see verification of it!)

So I am left wondering, 'what exactly was the point of this whole ordeal ?' Oh Yeah ! They have my money !!! 204 dollars, and 50 cents worth of it, to be exact. I feel totally screwed and scammed by the system. This is not justice, it's not responsible law enforcement, it's a big freakin' Monopoly game for them ! And they always win because, they are randomly drafting the other players; dangling a get out of jail free card in our face, in exchange for Park Place rent ! What a crock ! Well, at least I didn't have to go to jail.

Anyway, since I came home feeling abused and vindictive, I decided to sit down and concoct the "legend" for our Howling Hollow home haunt. It's the fictional story behind our ghoulish Halloween efforts. Not only does it add to the Halloween magic, but it helps to keep my deranged husband focused and on track.

The other day, I went into the garage to find him designing a guillotine. My first thought was, 'Hmmm, I wonder who he's pissed off at now?" Then, he told me it was for our home haunt.

I gave him that funny little head tilt that Pete gives me sometimes, and I said,
"Uh, Honey, we have an Insane Asylum. I've seen a lot of shrinks, and I personally know a lot of crazy people; furthermore, I've done a lot of research on early psychiatric treatment and practices. To the best of my knowledge, decapitation has never been a widely accepted form of treatment for mental disorders. Electroshock therapy, isolation, lobotomies . . . okay. But, even during the turn of the century, total removal of the head . . . seems a bit drastic, and a violation of the Hippocratic oath. While it may be effective, it sort of defeats the purpose."

He stopped in mid-saw and gave me a sad look. "Oh. Okay. So . . . No guillotine?"

I knew that he was disappointed, but I told him, "No, not this year, Honey. Maybe later, we could add a torture chamber in the basement, okay?"

That seemed to cheer him up a bit.

I have to admit that things are getting a little weird around my house, but at least it's interesting. If you'd like to read "The Legend of Howling Hollow Asylum and Cemetery," I posted it on our Howling Hollow Blog.

Okay, it's been a long day and I need to get myself to bed. The kids are off school tomorrow so, I told them that they could come with me to the Halloween Spirits store to help gather some ideas. Having them tag along will be an . . . adventure ?

Good night.
Love,
Susan

It doesn't take much . . .

Hmmmm . . . I'm feeling a little frustrated right now. This day is NOT working out as I had planned. I did get up and get Heather to school on time, except after she was out the door, I decided to lay back down in bed. (you know, just to warm my little piggies under the blankets?)

Well, damn it, I fell asleep and didn't wake up until almost noon! What the Hell is with that?! I may be old and decrepit, but my body doesn't need THAT much sleep!

When I woke up and wandered into the kitchen, I found that Jennifer was home, again. Same story as yesterday, apparently, Labor Ready doesn't have a lot of openings for "princess positions." I don't mean to sound bitter. I really DO like her, she's a sweet girl - I'm just feeling frustrated lately, and I guess I have to take it out on someone.

Anyway, I had made a note to myself to call the court house in Edwardsville today. I am supposed to return tonight and show them receipts for three months of insurance payments so that they can amend my ticket and get all this legal crap over and done with. The problem is, in a little town like Edwardsville, they only have traffic court once a month. And while I have kept current with my insurance payments, I only have two (not three) months of receipts because, my October payment isn't due until the 20th. So I called to see if we could reschedule my court date until next month, so that I don't make a trip for nothing. I figured that this would be a simple chore and I could be on and about with my regularly scheduled activities - Right? Wrong! They have a new district attorney (for all I know, they rotate lawyers to fill the position of District Attorney on a regular basis in a Podunk little town like that) and of course, the "new District Attorney" (who is actually just a local lawyer) is out of the office. I left a message with my request/question and I am still sitting here, two hours later, waiting for a return call. You know, most lawyers have Secretaries, and cell phones, for situations like this - what the hell is their problem? The reality is, I could be sitting here ALL DAY waiting to hear back, and STILL end up having to show up in court tonight, so that I can explain the situation to them - again - and who knows what they will decide to do? This whole thing could drag on forever! In the meantime, my day is screwed. Okay, I know that the whole thing sounds petty, but I really despise lawyers and the whole legal system. DAMN the man !!! People wonder why our society is screwed up - spend a little time dealing with these people, and it all starts to make sense ! It's NOT all neat and tidy like it is on TV. Most of these people are complete morons.

Ugh ! Okay, take a deep breath. I'm getting myself all worked up here. I suppose I could be doing some things around the house in the meantime, but that's just "busy work" and I'd rather be walking the dogs, or out of the house. And sure as shit, the minute I walk out the door, the phone will ring. Okay, enough ! Even busy work is better than this disgraceful, and juvenile, display of frustration. I'm just blowing off steam here. I need to do something. Maybe, I'll call my husband at work, and cry on his shoulder ? Pfft! He's not likely to be much comfort. Okay, I'm going to go vacuum something, or re-organize a closet, or some such bullshit. If they don't call soon, you'll probably find me scrubbing the bathroom.

Mother's little helpers

UGH ! What a day! I got up this morning to wake Heather at 7:00 AM. Now yesterday, Roy had let Heather stay home because, she complained of a stomach ache and a sore back. After talking with her yesterday, I explained that symptoms such as these, are very common with young ladies her age, and that next time, she should take a Tylenol and try to muddle through the day like the rest of us cursed females. Anyway, when I went to wake Heather this morning, she groaned and asked for another 30 minutes. (which is becoming sort of a regular thing lately.) I sighed, rolled my eyes, and went to reset my alarm for 7:30. I vaguely remember waking the second time, and I know that I went to wake her again, after that, it all gets a little fuzzy. I must have gone back to bed because, the next thing I remember was Heather waking me at 9:30 AM. I was so frustrated and tired at that point, that I asked her if she was dressed and ready for me to take her to school. When she said no, and that she really didn't want to arrive at school so late, I didn't even argue. Unfortunately, I was only able to get another half hour sleep before the phone started ringing. (my other daughter)

Once I was up and about, and feeling adequately guilty for lousy parenting skills, I inquired as to whether Jennifer, my new foster adult/child, had gone to work at Labor Ready as planned. Jennifer poked her head out of her room to tell me that she had, in fact, gone down to Labor Ready, but they didn't have any temp assignments for her. She then explained, that she looked like she had been sleeping because, she had just dosed off for a minute while reading. Uh - huh.

So . . . determined not to be thwarted from accomplishing my designated housewifey chores, I began my day. I got dressed and began the usual morning job of making my bed. Maybe, this seems like a simple task, but not in my house. Here, at the asylum, there is a ritual that must be strictly adhered to. I begin by pulling all the pillows off the bed. This is the dogs cue to come-a-runnin'. All five dogs jump on the bed and look at me with wagging tails, and bright shiny eyes, as if to say, 'let the fun begin!' I shake my head, snap my fingers, and point to the floor. One by one, they all jump off the bed and look at me, grinning their doggy grins. In spite of what I know is coming, I tell them all that they are all, 'such good dogs' for obeying, and they wag their tails happily. I turn to the bed, and begin shaking out the blankets and putting them in order. Within seconds, they are all back on the bed, holding down the sheets, and bouncing around playing a game of doggie mosh pit on my bed. The entire process is then repeated 2-3 times before they decide that they have pushed mom to her limit, and they patiently wait on the bedroom floor, for me to finish making the bed. When I have placed the last pillow, and brushed out the last wrinkle, they all climb back on, and look at me as if to say, "What's next, mom?!"

This morning, they all followed me downstairs to the laundry room. They love the laundry room. There's lots of space for the puppies to play and rough house, and Angel loves to hunt for crickets. Pete and Princess love to try to make off with any stray dryer sheets that they find on the floor. After almost 5 days of ignoring the laundry, there was lots to do.

Yesterday, Jennifer had done some laundry for her and Nick, and their things were everywhere. So I poked my head upstairs, and found Jennifer watching a movie with Heather on the couch. So, I told Jennifer that she and I were going to move their dresser from the garage, back to their bedroom; that way, she could actually put their laundry away. I also told Heather that she could take advantage of her day off to get her room clean. ( like she was supposed to do last night)Heather groaned and went upstairs. Jennifer did get up and help me to move the dresser, but rather than putting their clothes away, she went back to the couch. (Jennifer really isn't the most motivated person. She would be quite content to spend her days sitting in front of the TV, munching bon-bons. ) I carried their laundry to their room and left it for them to deal with -at least it was out of my space.

I took advantage of the sunshine and dry weather to spray seal some of my Halloween projects. That pissed off the dogs, because I had to do it outside, in the drive way, and they couldn't come with me. So they had to settle for supervising from the front window. Alot of the neighbors allow their dogs out front, as long as they are with them. Nick takes them with him when he is working out front, but I just don't allow it. There are too many of them for me to keep an eye on, and we live too close to the corner. People turn on to our street too fast. ( Last week, the neighbor's St. Bernard was hit and killed, before they could even react.)

I finally finished cleaning house around 2PM. For the most part, Jennifer spent her day on the couch. When I finished vacuuming, she took the sweeper and vacuumed the couch. When she was done, she told me, " . . .that she wanted to be able to tell Nick that she did something today." I'm sure he'll be very proud.

Since it was so nice outside, I decided that instead of taking the dogs for their walks in groups of two and three, I would take them individually, for a mile each. I was feeling a little frustrated with Jennifer, and I just wanted to get some extra time out of the house. Besides, I really like to walk the dogs one at a time. They get so excited to have mom all to themselves; the puppies bounce along beside me and look up at me, as if to say, "You're the greatest, Mom! " It's been so long since I've done that, I had forgotten what walking five miles was like. In the end, I took the girls together, and only did four miles. That was more than enough for my legs and back.

After I fed the dogs and cooked dinner for the family, I had to go lay down for a while to rest my back. I couldn't actually manage a nap, because all the dogs wanted have nap time with mom, using me as a pillow.

Anyway, I feel like I've managed to get most of the housework caught up, and I'm really looking forward to getting out tomorrow and doing some shopping. I just hope that Jennifer finds some temp work until she starts her new job on Saturday. It drives me crazy to have someone, who is perfectly cape able of working, to be vegetating on my couch, during the week. I don't have a problem with people taking a day off once in a while, and weekend relaxation is earned, but she openly admits that she just doesn't like to work. She is perfectly happy to sit and watch TV all day long. I don't get that. Even my dogs refuse to live that way. If they aren't doing something with me all the time, they don't think they are doing their jobs. They may not be much help, but they make my day a lot brighter.

Okay, I need to get to bed. Roy is leaving for work early tomorrow, and my daughter IS going to school in the morning.

Good night.
Love,
Susan

Avioding the world - as much as possible.

Things have been pretty quiet around here lately, at least for me. It's been rainy and cool, so I've spent the last few days in the garage working on our haunt. It's felt really good to be painting and creating things again. I haven't had time to do any thing creative in ages. No drawing, no painting, nothing. I've just been too busy.

In fact, I think I've kind of used this project to escape life in general. I've done the bare minimum housework, and being out in the garage, I've managed to (mostly) escape dealing with Nick's withdrawls and anxiety. He's been sober since our "chat" Sunday morning, so he's been a train wreck. He's spent most of his time with Jennifer, looking for jobs - for both of them. Amazingly, in spite of his condition, they both managed to get jobs this afternoon. Finding a job improved his attitude 100%. Thank God ! I was about to lose my mind. Nick starts work as a painter tomorrow morning, and Jennifer goes to work at a party supply shop either Friday or Saturday.

Unfortunately, I've reached a point on the haunt project that I have to stop until I can do some shopping and get some supplies. So . . . I'll probably get caught up on my house work tomorrow, and since it's supposed to be sunny, I can get out with the dogs too. Maybe, I can get out on Thursday and shop. At least, that's my plan. We'll see how it goes.

I've also got my return court date on Thursday night in Edwardsville. That should be fun. Since I know how the operate now, I'm going to try to get there early, and maybe, I won't have to waste an entire evening there.

Friday is the end of the first School quarter, and the kids are out of school for the day, so it will probably be next weekend before I can get back to work on the Asylum.

So, Like I said, there isn't much happening around here - and I'm kind of enjoying that. I think that I'm going to go soak in the tub, and get to bed early - for a change.

Good night all.
Love,
Susan

Working weekend

Hey there,

I'm feeling kind of . . . exhausted. Roy and I have spent the weekend working on the haunt. I finished my sign on Friday, and on Saturday, I built a coffin, finished Crazy Daisy, and Roy hung the sign and added some more electrical outside. I think that I am done outside - until Halloween night. Today, we started focusing on the Asylum. (the inside of the garage.)

I also had a very ugly discussion with Nick and Jennifer. Ugly, because I had to tell him a lot of facts that he just didn't want to hear. It's funny how when you live with an addict, you end up tip toeing around, doing your best to not say or do the wrong thing, something that will make things worse. I think, because it maybe a tiny and insignificant thing, but it seems like it's the only control we have. Life with an addict can be so crazy, we grasp at any straw we can find that makes us feel even a little bit sane and normal. Things have gotten so desperate with Nick that this morning, I just decided to quit grasping and try to focus on just "floating on faith." So, the words were ugly, but they were true, and that felt good. Shit, it might even work. O'course, I've already made a mental note not to hold my breath. We'll see. Always have to wait and see for everything.

Okay, I've still got a bunch of stuff to do. I took some photos of Crazy Daisy and the sign. These will be the last photos until Halloween. I have to leave some things as a surprise.

This is our Asylum sign. It looks really awesome with the lights on, but it really doesn't photograph well.

This is Crazy Daisy. She stands next to the clock tower and greets our victims - uh . . . I mean, guests.

Okay, gotta go. I've got to get busy cleaning up the post weekend Chaos. Thankfully, Jake and Heather, and their entourage, spent most of this weekend at Jasmin's house attending Christian's Birthday party. (I wasn't invited - cool teenagers only!) Hope you all had a glorious weekend.

Love ya,

Susan

Life's not fair. It sucks.

Hey,

This has been a really rough past few days. I think, around Tuesday, I started feeling really crappy. Sneezing, coughing, runny nose, headache, scratchy throat, and itchy eyes - God, I just love allergies! Why do they always have to happen during the very best seasons? You struggle through the LONG winter season, and when spring finally returns, so do your allergies. Or, after battling all the heat and humidity of summer, we finally get some days cool enough to get out and enjoy in the fall - except for all the shitty allergy crap RUINS it !!!! (Not to mention, allergies make you feel cranky and bitchy)

To be honest, the way things have been going, I don't really need allergies to feel cranky and bitchy. Let me explain. I was sitting here at home Wednesday night, and suddenly, my son and his girlfriend come walking through my front door. Nick, is SUPPOSED to be in rehab. He hasn't been there long enough to earn a pass. As soon as I looked into his bloodshot, glazed eyes, I had a pretty good idea what had happened. When he opened his mouth to speak, I was certain of it. He asked Roy and I, to sit down with him and Jennifer , at the kitchen table, to "talk". HA ! He was drunk and he had a story to tell.

According to Nick, he got thrown out of rehab for breaking a rule. (He accepted a $3 tip from a customer) After he repeated the story, stressing every tiny injustice, for the 6th time, - Nick tends to repeat himself when he's been drinking - Roy and I were finally able to get him to shut up and listen to us. I felt like I was talking to a 2 year old as I tried to explain to him that,

"Life, is just heaping full of things that aren't fair - that doesn't make it okay to go out and do things, like getting drunk. He has to learn how to deal with life's little set backs and stresses, or at the very least, quit using them as excuses to drink or do drugs. However, since he had already made that choice, I told him that he was NOT allowed to show up at my house and bitch about it."

Nick and Jennifer looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. I said,

"Good night guys, you have to leave now. It is NOT okay for you to show up drunk, at my house, no matter what horrible, unfair thing happened. Your screw ups, and bad choices, ARE NOT MY PROBLEM. Good bye." When Nick has been drinking, you have to be pretty blunt,- and talk VERY slowly. But Nick and Jennifer continued to look at me like I was crazy. Finally, Nick said,

"where are we supposed to go?"

I said, "I don't know. Jennifer was silly enough to pick you up. Maybe you can go spend the night at her house? I'm sure that her parents will be sympathetic to your problem."

After about 15 minutes of more stupid and ridiculous conversation, they left.

The problem was, they came back Thursday morning. At least he was sober by then. He asked if he could take a shower and make some phone calls, and I said fine, and I went about my regular days work. Around 2PM, I went to the garage to work on my painting project and noticed that he had backed Jennifer's car up to the garage, and was unloading his stuff. I started Yelling, "NO, NO, NO!!! You are NOT moving back in here!" He actually had the nerve to be genuinely puzzled.

I pointed out that based on his condition last night, he OBVIOUSLY had no intentions (nor the ability) to stay sober. Furthermore, it's become painfully obvious to me, that being at home is not a good place for him. If environment has anything to do with his sobriety, then, it's been proved over, and over again, that being here will have disastrous results - for everyone. Nick wants to make it sound like I have "given up on him". I told him that isn't true. The only thing I have given up on, is repeating the same mistakes over and over. I told him that he has a few days to come up with some kind of game plan - and it had better not be one that has already failed. At this point, I don't care how crazy it might sound - just do something DIFFERENT !! I KNOW that recovery is possible, and I will NOT let him give up trying, but I won't sit by and allow him to do the same things over and over, and foolishly pray for different results. I know that I really don't have a lot of control over most of his choices, but I WILL take control over any choice that involves me allowing him to ignore his issues, or just to quit trying. And if that means that I have to be a bitch . . . I don't like it, but it's better than watching him die, or end up in prison.
He is doing his best to manipulate me. He has no idea how hard it is for me to admit that him being at home - isn't good for him. Nick spent most of his developmental teen years in State's Custody. Not of MY choosing, but because his addiction made it impossible for him to stay out of trouble, and out of the juvenile court system. His actions and behavior took it all out of my control. It seems like I spent so many years fighting, just to get my son home, fighting to prevent the state from placing him in facilities that would destroy his spirit. But once the state takes custody of your child - wining is a lost cause. They do whatever is convenient for them. They claim that their actions are "in his best interest," They didn't know, or care, about my child. Their ONLY knowledge of him came from psychiatrists, counselors, and a host of supposed "experts", who compile reports; and still, they knew nothing about him. They didn't know him, like I know him, and they didn't want to. They put him in places, and situations that were abusive, dangerous, and would be mentally destructive to anyone. And I could do nothing about it. NO lawyer would take my case to fight for him. I tried to speak as often as I could, during the hundreds of meetings and hearings, but Nick's court appointed attorney did his best to stop me because, he said that it would only make the judge, and the state angry. I was supposed to be "grateful" that my son was some one else's problem; That the state was "kind enough to take him off my hands." Worst of all, they led Nick to believe that I "signed him over !" They didn't ASK my permission for anything - they TOOK him. ( Then, they took ME to court, and said I had to pay child support - to the state - or they would put ME in jail, and take my other children ! )

Nick may have had some issues when he was 13, but the 19 year old that they returned to me, isn't your typical addict. He doesn't just drink and do drugs to get high, but he does them so he doesn't have to remember all the horrible things they did to him. And he has NO idea how to live any kind of "Normal" life. Even some of the simplest tasks, like making a long distance phone call. Up until last year, He honestly believed, that dialing 1+ the area code, was a "secret code" that was being kept from him. For years when he was in jail, JDC, rehab, or any of halfway homes that they put him in, the supervisor used to dial the number for him, so that he could only speak to people on his "approved call list." Even though almost all the calls he made were toll calls, he had no idea how to actually make one. How sad is that?

So, yeah, it's really hard for me to say, "Sorry Nick, , living here, being at home, isn't good for you." I spent so many years, fighting, and praying to get my son back, to have him home again.

"Sorry, I know it isn't fair. NOTHING is fair, but that's the way it is." It seems pretty God damned lame.

Okay, I've managed to depress myself enough for one night. I really have to get to bed so I can wake up and go to the ob/gyn in the morning. More tests, *sigh*

Good night,
Susan

Halloween Yard Haunt Preview

Okay, I've been busy, busy, busy. But I haven't forgotten you all. I tried to get photos on Monday, but the stupid camera was filled with four dead batteries! This is a senario that is played, and replayed, in my home on a daily, no, hourly basis. I open the refrigerator to find three empty kool-aid pitchers sitting on the shelf. I get into the shower only to discover that we have the worlds largest collection of empty shampoo bottles. I spend 80% of my life escorting empty cups, soda cans, and food wrappers from the living room to the trash can. You get the idea, right? Anyway, by the time I got new batteries, the magic moment of sundown was gone, and so was the magical moment when my camera will produce veiwable Halloween photos.

However, I got them last night. I have a ton of them. some of them will look very similar to last years display; however, I am working on the premise that everything is incomplete until Halloween night. (I still have alot of ideas that I want to implement before then.) Next year, my goal is to have a finished haunt, no later than October 1st. That way, we can spend the next 31 doing the fun stuff of making it all come alive. So, I am posting some of these photos (that seem familiar) because my photography seems to be improving slightly, and I want you to see them more as they were intended to look.

In addition to photo taking, I had some other issues develop last night, that I think I'll have to deal with today. My son and Jennifer, showed up at the house last night. Long story that is more than a little incomplete just yet. *SIGH* I'll let you know what happened as soon as I figure it out. In the mean time . . . .

Jack (the ripper) and (bloody) Mary, have returned as cemetery greeters this year. I have some ideas to update, and accessorize them further, before the big night.

This is my newly created Bloody Skull fountain. I made it from scratch using spare parts that I found laying around the garage. I bought the plastic bones and skulls and 'corpsilated' them so the looked more realistic, and less like ivory plastic. I used a water pump from an old fish tank to pump the blood that trickles out the eye sockets and jaw. I' still need to figure out a clever lighting solution so that it gets more attention at night.

This is my Asylum Clock tower that I added at the last minute last year. I updated it a bit this year by adding a painted gargoyle at the base and a few other painted embelishments. Like the Bloody Skull fountain, it also could use some subtle mood lighting to bring it all together - still working on that. I'm still working on painting the Howling Hollow Asylum sign that will go over the garage door. (This will be the Asylum entrance on Halloween night.)

This is Haunter, our Graveyard Grim Reaper. He is another last minute addition from last year that needed some extra work. I gave him a shovel to help him dig up and gather those souls, and a hatchet - just in case. I'd like to eventually add a few skeletal grave robers to keep him company, but probably not this year.

Graveyard at Sunset. B.K. Crawler makes a return appearance this year.

A new light up Grave stone that I added a raven to. I plan to eventually replace all of the smaller gravestones with original, handmade head stones. But that's another project that will require some time and materials.

This is my favorite photo, that happen completely by accident. If you click on it and enlarge, you'll notice the five pairs of reflective eyes looking out the window. (my five dogs, who were upset that Mom was playing in the front yard without them.

A front yard view from a different perspective.