Ah. . . . . Valentines Day !! A day set aside for the exclusive honoring of LOVE. A day that everyone can, and should, celebrate.
Children all over the country will the expressing the joyous innocence of the love that naturally flows from their hearts. Teddy bears, hearts, flowers, candy, and red and pink crayons drawings will be the order of the day for children.
The sweetness and purity of this day could only be eclipsed by celebration that begins after the little angels are tucked into bed, or safely deposited at Grandma's house, exhausted and weary from excess sugar intake, and the adrenaline rush that comes from love expressed in it's mushiest form.
When the sun goes down, the grown ups begin the celebration of ROMANCE. And the passion, frustration, and stickiness, that always accompanies such grand adventures, begins in earnest. For many, February 14th symbolises a never ending quest to either express, or discover
love (or lust) in the ultimate gesture of romance.
For others, like myself, who daily live out their commitment to love, honor and cherish their mate, flamboyant displays of attention are often replaced with more subtle, and refined maneuvers that, hopefully, result in the same level of sweaty passion, without the expense, labor, and frustration experienced by other couples. Unfortunately, I have discovered that marriage, or even long term commitment, are no guarantee that you're gonna get laid on Valentines day. After 18 years of marriage, I've discovered that even the best Valentine's Day plans can go awry.
For example, on Valentine's day 2002, after Roy had returned form an especially long absence, I determined that this Valentine's day would be incredibly romantic. I started brainstorming in advance how I could arouse my husbands desire. Several weeks before the 14th, I went shopping for a little something special. Something very little, very lacy, and very sexy. The night before Valentines day, I created a special, personal, Valentine's card for him. Inside I included some very suggestive, yet very specific, and of course, very creative Valentine's wishes for our evening together. I attached the Valentine to the recently purchased (extremely) hot lingerie item, and laid it carefully inside his lunch box, which was also filled with his favorite foods and snacks. At that time, we only had one car. I drove him to work the next morning, told him that I had prepared a special Valentine's lunch for him, and went home to excitedly prepare for our evening. I intentionally didn't call him all day. I was absolutely giddy all day long, imagining the thoughts that must be running through his head when he opened his lunch box to find a little preview of our evening. I arranged for the kids to stay the night at a friends house and took extra care and preparation in dressing before I went to pick him up from work.
I was thrown a little off balance when Roy got in the car, lunch box in hand, and behaved like it was just another day, like any other. As I started to drive home, I asked him,
"How was your day ?"
"It was okay - pretty good." he responded, nodding.
"Soooo... how was your lunch ?" I said.
"Good." he said.
Still no response. He HAD to be playing with me!
Finally, I said "Did anything special happen today ?"
He started to chuckle and said,
"Oh, God, you wouldn't believe it. We had to do some work in the attic of this house, and while we were up there, Jim discovered a huge stack of Penthouse and Playboy magazines covered in dust. Probably some teenage boy's private library!"
By this time, my eyes had narrowed, and my brows were creased, and I was giving him the pissed off wife look. He wasn't responding to that either. So I said,
"oh . . . . really? You know what ? You're an asshole !"
You know what he said ? He said,
"what? Honey, what'd I do ?!"
I pulled the car over into a parking lot, put the car in park, reached in the back seat and unzipped his lunch box. There, at the bottom, all wadded up and wrinkled was the black lacy lingerie and the valentine still attached. I pulled it out and waved it in front of him.
"THIS ! Did you not SEE this? Do you just not GET it ?!! DUH ! It's Valentines day !"
Roy got a look of surprise on his face, and then he blushed.
"Uh . . . well . . . see, Jim asked me if I had a coke. I said 'sure it's in my lunch box' , so Jim sort of found it before me . . . and he said, 'Hey Roy ! what's this ?!!' and I just stuffed it back in the lunch box so. . . . I didn't really look at it."
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. All those weeks of planning and preparation, thinking that I was being so clever and sexy, and imagining how it was all going to pay off resulting in the hottest, most erotically memorable Valentines day of my life. It was all for nothing . Instead of fantasizing about me, and my voluptuous breasts spilling out of some sexy little number from Victoria's Secret; He spent his afternoon sitting in an attic, flipping through the pages of a bunch of dusty, 15 year old, Playboy magazines!
Needless to say, I've since decided that it's better not to make grand and elaborate plans for romance on Valentines day. Maybe, it's better to see the whole thing the way kids do. Teddy bears, crayon drawings, and sugar induced comas can be nice too.
I hope that you all have a lovely, romantic, and memorable Valentines day, and all your Valentines wishes come true.