I appologize for my attitude in advance.

Is it only Wednesday? I'm beginning to think that this Arctic blast has frozen everything, including time. It's just unbelievably cold here, in the middle of the country, surrounded by concrete, and miles and miles of prairie. In Kansas, there isn't much to break the icy winds blowing through either; no hills, no valleys, and not nearly enough trees.

When I was in elementary school, it seemed like every year, we did a unit on The Great State of Kansas. They made us learn every useless scrap of information about this wretched place, as if there was no other world beyond it's borders. During one of those boring filmstrips (yes, back then, they actually used film projectors and rolls of film) I remember hearing a piece of information that, even then, shocked me. They said that 90% of the trees west of Topeka, KS. have been planted. (since the state was settled) I grew up, and still live, in the part of Kansas that is about 30 minutes east of Topeka. Shortly after Roy and I got married, we traveled by car across Kansas, to Colorado. That's when the gravity of that piece of information really hit home with me. First of all, NO ONE lives in western Kansas. Furthermore, anyone who has ever lived there, was probably blown away. Why? Because there is nothing to prevent it from happening. I think I saw a total of about . . . 20 trees, between Topeka and the Colorado state line. (so basically, some idiot planted 16 trees in western Kansas - woo hoo! - fat lot of good that did!) Bottom line, Kansas is a desolate place. Unless, you live between Topeka and Missouri, which is where 90% of the population lives, myself included. Okay, that's my geography lesson/bitch session for the day.

There hasn't been much going on here lately; and if anything did happen, I probably missed it. I've been busy working on my drawing for the past three days. The plumber that was supposed to show up yesterday, around noon ? He called this morning at 9AM, to say that he was on his way. It's a good thing that Roy was here to deal with him - I would have let the dogs eat him.

Now that the drain is fixed, I really can't be bothered with house work - I'm busy creating. I'm hoping to be done with this drawing by Friday. I have things to do this weekend. Also, the kids (and all the government employees) have a three day weekend, to celebrate Martin Luther King Jr.'s Birthday, on Monday. Whose birthday is actually tomorrow, but who wants to take a day off in the middle of the week? It's one thing to honor the memory of a great person like MLK, but God forbid we should be inconvenienced by it! Let's turn it into a three day weekend, so that we can forget the whole ugly event of his tragic murder. Sorry. Between the cold weather and my hormones, I'm feeling a bit sarcastic today. It's a good thing that I've had something to stay focused on, otherwise, I'm sure that my whole family would be in tears by now.

I talked to Nick yesterday. He has a new job working for a moving company. That should be good, physical work for him. Between his ADHD and his anxiety, he needs to stay physically active to burn off all his excess energy. (so he doesn't explode) He's very excited about this new job. Right now, he's doing an overnight move, here in Kansas, but they mostly do cross country moves, so sometimes he'll be gone for a week or so. That works out good for him because the tension at Jennifer's house hasn't eased up much, (Jennifer's family hasn't been exactly thrilled that they are engaged) but also, because he gets to travel and see the country. (which is something that he has always wanted to do.) Also, he says the pay is good. I just hope that he stays sober, and doesn't get himself into trouble while he is away. Will I ever quit worrying about him?

I think that what I need to do is to go relax in a nice hot tub, and crawl into bed. Maybe I can be snuggled under the blankets before the temperature drops into the negative digits. That would be nice. Good night.

Love ya,
Susan

Staying content.

It's Monday, Or it was Monday, I guess technically, it's Tuesday now. Anyway, The last few days have been lovely. Saturday was rough. I just felt stressed and at loose ends, but Sunday, I said to hell with everything and got to work on my drawing. I laid out the basic sketch on Friday night and Saturday morning, and Sunday, I transfered it onto a sheet of good drawing paper and started to work. I was a little worried that I might have forgotten how to do this, but it's all coming back. I spent most of my day Sunday working on it, in between dealing with the kids, my regular grocery store runs, and dealing with the dogs. Today, it was just too cold to get out and go anywhere. (although my dogs begged to differ) The temps have steadily dropped all day and the wind is blowing everything around outside - not a day fit for such a delicate flower as myself to be out. So when I got up this morning, I threw a load of laundry in the wash, and started back to work. I LOVE having my drawing table in the kitchen, it's so warm and convenient, but mostly warm - I like that.

When I went to go check the wash, I discovered that our basement drain was, once again, not doing the job that a drain is intended to do. Tsk, Tsk. I called my hubby, who told me that the plumber guy (that's what we call him now) couldn't make it out until Tuesday afternoon. Isn't that a shame? Since I couldn't finish the laundry until sometime Tuesday afternoon, I was left with no other option, but to spend my day working on my drawing - oh well. (actually, I decided to blow off all my other chores) Anyway, in spite of Pete's constant whinging and whimpering that it was time for his walk, I managed to have a really good time today.

When the kids came home things got a little crazy. At one point, I had Jake, Quentin, Chrissy, Summer, and Tyler all in the living room; and Heather, Hailey, Alexis, and Bub in the family room, and of course, five dogs running amok trying to figure out who was willing to give them the maximum attention. This is the normal 3 to 6PM crew. However, from my drawing table, I can easily hear, and mostly see, both rooms, so I just kept right on working. It's been so long since I've done any drawing, I had almost forgotten how much I enjoy working with colored pencils. Unfortunately, I have to deal with the "plumber guy" tomorrow, and I really should get some house work done . . . so I won't have as much time to play.

Heather brought home her mid year report card today. I'm very pleased. She is doing really well in school this year. They have already sent home enrollment forms for next year. I think that she's a little concerned about going to junior high school next year, but Jake will still be there as a ninth grader and he's pretty popular. He won't let anyone give his little sister any grief. It's amazing how well the two of them get along. Besides, she has met and befriended a lot of Jake's friends this year. 7th graders who have 9th grade friends are generally considered too cool to ridicule.
Now Jake, on the other hand, seems to be having a hard time locating his report card - again. I went to the parent access site on the computer and looked up his grades - I can understand why. Of course, I've been checking up on his daily assignments for the past month, so I was already prepared for the final grades. He and I had a nice long chat before Christmas break, and so far this semester, he is holding up his end of the bargain. But he knows the consequences if he starts to slack off. Next year's grades will start to count towards his graduation credits, so he can't afford to screw up anymore.

Well, I hate to disappoint everyone, but there just isn't much else happening around here. As Roy likes to say, "We're too poor to pay attention." So instead of complaining, I am staying content with my art, and doing my best to keep the "animals" fed and their cages clean and tidy here at "The Zoo." I know that I need to get myself off to bed. It's late. and I need to be up in the morning. (as in, before noon!) Good night everyone.

Love ya,
Susan

Long, Cold Saturday.

Okay, my little plan has not worked out quite as I had hoped. My visitor free weekend is a shambles. Jacob and Christian made plans for Christian to come over Friday night. Jake's justification was that Christian is family, and not really "company." Roy fell for that line of reasoning and told Jake okay. When I questioned Roy about it, he pointed out that we had never turned Christian away before, which is true. Christian is family, and by himself, he's never been any bother. Of course, when the two of them get together, it always leads to a houseful of teenagers, the way it did this afternoon. And since Heather is the grand score keeper, her reasoning was, "If Jake gets to have a friend over, then why can't I?" And since her sore throat has become magically healed, why not two over night guests? *SIGH*
I guess it doesn't matter much anyway, Roy and I were too broke to do anything this weekend.
I was just hoping for a bit of peace and quiet, you know, for a change? Oh well. But I'm telling you, next weekend WILL be different. What? You believe me, Right?

I guess this weekend has got me feeling a bit stressed, and it doesn't have anything to do with a houseful of teenagers. Have you ever been entrusted with what feels like a very heavy piece of information? Information that you really didn't want to know? And then been asked not to tell anyone? So all you can do is turn it over and over in your head, and worry yourself? Of course, there really isn't much I can do about it, except wish that I had more control. Ha-ha, As if the world would be a safer and better place if I were in charge! My life is a mess. I just need . . . a magic wand. Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket. A magic wand would be nice. I wonder if I can find one on Ebay, or Craig's list?

Roy has a couple of service calls early tomorrow morning. (for our local Wendy's restaurants) God forbid the good people of Olathe be without their Frosty Malts, Wendy's Big Classic Burgers, Chili, or Baked Potatoes. So it doesn't sound like we'll be going to church in the morning. Christian's step mom wants to pick him up at 9;30 AM, so it don't think I'll get to sleep in. I haven't heard from Nick today, but they have been showing up on Sunday afternoons
and hanging around for dinner. Hopefully, Heather's girlfriends will find their way home before it gets too late in the day. So . . . tomorrow will be a busy day. I should probably get myself off to bed. Goodnight all.

Love,
Susan

Afternoon update

The last couple of days have been lovely. Warm weather, kids at school, like they are supposed to be, and I've spent my days doing my usual routines and even had time to get out and walk the dogs. Best of all, the evenings have been sane enough for me to do some drawing.

Over the last several weeks, I've been reading, and blogging about, 'Women Who Run With the Wolves" with Mel and Cat. (Although, I think we've kind of taken a break over the holidays.) Anyway, I love this book and the sketches that I've done are kind of inspired by it. Maybe I'll do a whole series of drawings, that would look good hanging in some Westport or Plaza gallery, wouldn't it? Ha, ha - my drawings will never be that good! Anyway, it makes me happy, and I think it's good therapy.

I'm still planning on getting into some art classes at the local community college this summer. I was hoping to do it sooner, but finances have been really crappy lately. Hopefully, I'll have some $ set a side by spring. Right now, I'm just concerned about getting through next week. Roy's boss has decided that as of the first of the year, they are going from weekly pay checks, to bi-weekly pay checks. It wouldn't be so bad if they didn't decide to do it right after Christmas ! It's just crappy timing - it's going to take a while to re-adjust to the change and get back on track.

Heather has been complaining of a sore throat the last few days. She hasn't had a cough, but her voice is all scratchy and croaky. She's not running a fever, but she's spent every spare minute sleeping. Does that sound like Mono? I should probably look up the symptoms on the web. If she's not better by Monday, I'm going to take her to the doctor and have her checked - even strep throat would suck, the whole house will end up with it.

Well, I need to get busy, Jake should be home from school soon. . .

Baby steps towards a new start

YES ! What bliss. I woke this morning to a silent house. Well, except for the two T.V.s the kids left running. I had planned, and requested, that my husband wake me at 7AM, but my hubby let me sleep in and got the kids off to school himself. I appreciate his morning thoughtfulness, but I really need to be up to get the most from my day. Also, Heather says that she prefers that I be up before she leaves for school, because I chit-chat with her and it helps her to wake up before school. She says that Dad may be up, but he's really not awake. She says he's boring.

Anyway, by the time I got my housework caught up, it was too late to get the dogs out for a walk, and it was a reasonably warm day to do it. Oh well, now that I'm caught up, and Roy has promised to wake me on time tomorrow, I can spend a little extra time out with them tomorrow. In the meantime, I'll just have to put up with their pouting and fidgeting. I guess I've survived worse.

Yesterday, I spent part of my day doing some furniture moving. I hauled my drawing table up from the basement and into the kitchen. I've been wanting to do some drawing, but it's just too chilly and damp in the basement this time of year. Now that I'm caught up on my house work, I'm hoping that tomorrow, I can get some sketches laid out. Also, now that my drawing stuff is in a more centrally located place, I can keep an eye on the kids while I work. Sometimes, it seems that leaving teenagers unattended is almost more dangerous than leaving a couple of toddlers home alone.

Last night at dinner, Roy and I had a little chat with Jake and Heather. We told them that they really need to cut back on the overnight guests. Not only am I starting to feel like I am running a boarding house for teenagers, but Roy and I would like to have some evenings available to go out once in a while. Now all I have to do is figure out how to pry Roy's butt off the couch once in a while, because if we don't actually get up and go, the kids will go right back to their old ways.

Well, I need to get myself off to bed before it gets too late. I was sort of hoping to soak in a nice hot tub tonight. Nick and Jennifer got me a wonderful bath set for Christmas that I haven't had a chance to use yet. Maybe tomorrow . . .

Goodnight.

Love ya,

Susan

One more day

I just have to get through tomorrow, the kids will go back to school, and I'll be home free. Well mostly. The school has a total of 12 days off scheduled during the months of January, February, and March. (that doesn't include snow days, if we get any) I love having my kids at home, but they tend to make it difficult to accomplish anything around the house, especially when the cold weather keeps them, and all their friends, inside.

Over the past few months I've come to the conclusion that I need to make some changes, both in my life, and in our home. I'm tired of everyone expecting me to deal with every little thing. I need to make some changes and do some re-structuring around here so that my life doesn't revolve around taking care of my family's every need and desire. I need to make it possible for them to take on more responsibilities, and for me to figure out what I need to do for me. Although, I'm not completely sure what that involves. (it's hard to even think straight with a houseful of teenagers and music blaring all the time) Some of the things that I'm considering are, going back to work on a part-time basis, or maybe going back to school, maybe a little of both. I know that I need to get out of the house more, I'm starting to feel very isolated and my thinking is becoming very warped and distorted.

Another one of our goals for 2009 is to find a family church that works for us. Yesterday, we met Nick and Jennifer for the 11:00AM service at Life Church. (that's the church where we used to go, and where I taught preschool.) We haven't been there for almost two and a half years, and there's been a lot of changes; lots of new people, and they've done a lot of construction, but I'm just not sure how I feel about it. The kids are kind of divided on it. Heather wants us to try the church where she and her friend go for Wednesday night youth group, and Jake wants us to try the church where his girlfriend, Chrissy, goes. I have a feeling that we are going to be doing some "church shopping." I'm not looking forward to that, but I guess it has to be done. It's something that I think we all need. Roy and I really need a place where we can meet people and focus on spiritual growth; and I really want Jake and Heather to meet kids, other than their school friends, who are all so caught up in their gossip and cliques. They really need options, and other ways of looking at themselves, their lives, their community, and the world. My biggest objection to public school has always been the mentality that it creates.

Anyway, I know that none of this is going to happen over night, but my brain wants to plan, organize, and act while the thoughts are fresh; but with the kids at home, I have to really struggle to stay focused on anything - there's just too many distractions. I guess that's my ADHD showing.

Well, the kids have finally gone to bed, or at least to their rooms. I need to get myself off to bed too. I can handle just one more day of this - I think. Good night.

Love,
Susan

Four days and counting.

Hey there,

I'm still counting the days until the kids go back to school - four days to go. I'm not completely convinced that I'll make it that long. I don't know why this Christmas holiday has been so hard on me. I'm sure that part of it has to do with finances, but it seems too easy to blame it all on the evils of money. I've just been feeling overwhelmed, over stressed, and frustrated. I just don't feel like this holiday thing will be finally over and done with until the kids get back to school, and my life regains some semblance of normalcy. I've had enough of teenagers and their chaos. I just need some quiet time. I long for the day that I can wake up to a house that is silent and free from stray children standing in my kitchen with their head stuck in my refrigerator looking for something to eat. I would so like to prepare a meal for just my family, or tell someone to go do their home work. I've had enough of kids who don't have specified bedtimes and sleep until noon, who think that they shouldn't be expected to do anything because they are on "vacation." I've just had enough.

Roy and I were supposed to go shopping for new living room furniture today, but we are still trying to recover from Christmas, so we just can't afford it right now. Instead, I spent my day trying to catch up on some house work (which seems like a wasted effort with 5-7 kids running amok.) Just as well, Roy was on call and had a couple of service calls to run today.

Since it was warm, I did manage to get my dogs out for a walk this afternoon. They get restless and agitated being stuck in the house with so many people. You would think, that on a 54 degree day, in January, the kids would want to be outside too. But no, they want to stay inside, destroy my house, and eat all my food.

Okay, it sounds like Jake, Patrick, and Quentin are getting out of hand with Jake's new "air-soft" b.b. gun. There is far too much rowdy behavior coming from the upstairs bed room. I think it's time to go upstairs and kick some ass - not that it will do any good - in twenty minutes, they'll be back at it again.