Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Simply Irresistible!

One of the things that I like best about living with a pack of dogs is being able to observe them and their behaviors. The more I watch them, the more I realise that human beings, are a fairly screwed up species.

Right now, my littlest dog, Princess is in heat. Anyone who reads my blog on a regular basis knows who Princess is. She is an obese, bossy, selfish, instigating little Miniature Pincher. She does have a few appealing and amusing, semi-redeeming qualities, but when she's in heat . . . I can't think of a single one. I haven't had Princess spayed because, well, deep down, I'm hoping that we might eventually find Princess better living arrangements, and since she is a pure bred, being biologically intact might be important. However, the main reason I have put off having her fixed is that since coming to live with us, and my four other dogs, she has become a little piggy, more than doubling her ideal weight. While most days, she's a thorn in my side, I don't want to risk putting her through a major surgery while she is carrying around so much weight. I haven't had my boys fixed because there are 3 of them, and so far, I just haven't been able to afford the expense.

Now I realise that when I say I have three un-neutered male dogs, and one bitch in heat, living in my home, the image that comes to mind is not necessarily a pretty one. And certainly not an inspiring one, but let me explain. First of all, all three of my boys are lab mixes - big dogs - and princess is tiny. It just isn't physically possible for them to mate, and believe me, the boys have tried every possible approach. Second of all, Princess is just too damn mean to allow any of them to get close enough to her. Without a doubt, she's in charge around here. There is rarely a day that goes by when she doesn't have one of my big brave boys running for cover in a state of fear and panic, because Princess is absolutely fearless, as well as ruthless. On some level, the boys know that they haven't a chance. All the same, nature and hormones will make men do stupid and insane things.

When Princess is at the pinnacle of her cycle, the boys follow her around like the paparazzi stalking Brad and Angelina. There isn't a movement or gesture that doesn't hold them completely enthralled. Since Princess is a little dog with a fair amount of energy, she doesn't walk through a room - she scampers. It's almost impossible for her long legged, overly excited, male entourage to follow her in my crowded house without stepping on her, or each other. She also has a penchant for squeezing into small, tight places that the boys will never fit into - but that doesn't mean that they won't try. So far this week, the guys have knocked over countless drinks left sitting on tables with their excited tail wagging, they have bull-dozed several chairs and small tables in their attempts to get to her, and if you see them coming towards you, you had best move out of the way, because they will stop for nothing to be by her side. Twice a year, Princess goes from being a 30 pound, four legged, pain in my ass; to a being a 250 pound, 16 legged, monster, that leaves a path of destruction and chaos in it's wake. And God forbid she should leave their sight, say to go for a walk, or into her kennel ! Then, all the whimpers and whinges become a chorus of mournful howls and doggie hysterics. When Her Majesty sleeps, they post themselves on guard around her like the sentries at Buckingham Palace. I have watched them as they sat panting until their eyes closed from exhaustion. Of course, the minute that she so much as twitches, their eyes snap open, and they patiently await her next wondrous and magical move.

My sweet boys become so single minded and focused that they cannot be distracted by anything. Their favorite toys have no effect on them. All their training and obedience goes right out the window. Even food is use less. When I offer them their favorite treats, they take it in their mouths, humbly and gently, laying it at Princess' feet, with their heads bowed, like the three magi offering gifts to the Christ child. They won't even eat at their regular feedings ! They stand by while Princess greedily gorges herself on everything in sight.

What I find really amazing, is that their "animal instincts" are not as mindless as people think. Instead of turning them into crazed brutes on a mission to mate, their natural instincts seem to make them more of who they really are - deep down, inside. After all, dogs don't play the social games that humans do when they seek out a life partner.

Pete, my loyal and true dog, seems to have it the worst. While he can't fight nature, he keeps running over to Angel, sniffing, then giving her a puzzled look. He just doesn't understand why Angel was spayed when she delivered his pups - it doesn't seem fair to him. Instead of the dog that he loves, he has to deal with this angry, snarling little bitch. Pete is responsible for 90% of the whimpering and whinging that goes on. He also ends up with the most injuries at the end of the week.

Midnight is my gentle and romantic cuddle bug. He's such a little Romeo, he always loves Princess, no matter how she smells. When he can get close enough to her, all he wants to do is lick her ears and face until she is sopping wet and sound asleep next to him. Unfortunately, she rarely lets that happen.

Phoenix is my insecure-dominant pup. He is by far the biggest and strongest of the three, but his shy and gentle heart keeps him from being taken seriously by anyone. He is a bit of a show off with a fabulous sense of humor. His method of wooing Princess is to be a bit of a poser. He gets as close as he can to her and takes a protective stance with his back to her, and softly growls at his brother, Midnight. The two of them are such good playmates and buddies, if dogs could LOL, he would.

And of course, all of this brings out Princess' true colors as well. I hate to dwell on her less attractive qualities, but it's painfully obvious that none of these fabulous canine hunks is the dog of her dreams.

So . . . This afternoon, as I was folding laundry and watching my dogs make complete fools of themselves, I started to wonder, what if humans were more like dogs? What would happen if female humans could experience . . . well being treated like a Princess - at least once in their lives? ? What if every woman suddenly became irresistible to every male she came into contact with? What kind of an effect would it have on a woman's self image? And what if male humans could only respond to these new "instincts" in a natural way, by being who they REALLY are? No games, no bullshit. What if humans chose their mates without regard to looks, money, or social status?

Wolves (and dogs) mate for life. They chose their life partners carefully. A strong, loyal female will seek out a strong, loyal male; A shy and gentle female will look for a like minded partner. They know that it's easier to face all the ups and downs that nature has to offer as a team, rather than alone. They don't waste energy seeking out a "better" mate when things get rough - their survival, and the survival of their pack, depends on their fearless commitment to each other. I wonder what kind of world we would have, if humans were more "instinctual" about their approach to life and love?

2 howled back:

Anonymous said...

I didn't realize we weren't like dogs... don't we all sniff each other's crotch prior to agreeing to a mating ritual?


strangefruit said...

Interesting blog post. By the way, here is the link you wanted abot personalties and all:

Take care.