My allergies are kicking my butt today. I have no idea what it is about springtime that actually sets them off. (ragweed, pollen, mold - who knows?) Whatever it is, I never had any allergy problems until I was pregnant with Heather, so I've never really had it all checked out. But for the past nine years, my spring time has been faithfully disrupted by coughing, congestion, sniffles, and itchy eyes. Ugh! It sucks!
Anyway, enough whinging. Things around here have been puttering along fairly smoothly. Christian was over for the weekend and the kids have been outside, enjoying the lovely weather.
I've been staying busy with keeping everyone fed, and walking with the dogs.
Nick is still struggling with finding steady work, but Roy has had enough work that he has been able to ride along and help Roy. Although, I'm not crazy about that arrangement, and neither is Nick, really. Nick needs his own thing. Nick desperately wants to be independent, there are just so many roadblocks for him right now, it's always been a source of frustration for him. (and frustration often leads to bad choices.) Nick is such an all or nothing kind of person. He doesn't want to depend on anyone for transportation to and from work, (although he has no car and no driver's license) he wants his own place, he wants a relationship, he wants a new life, and he wants it all NOW. He's only 22 years old, and he thinks his that his life is irreparably stunted. The concept of life being an ongoing learning process, a journey, is not part of his thinking. Of course, I guess that's normal at his age, he just feels that added stress of not feeling "normal".
I felt the same way as a teenage mother. I always felt that I was never where I "should be" in life. I always felt like there were huge obstacles for me, never felt like I would ever "catch up" to the rest of the world, or feel accepted and "normal". I didn't even know who, or what, I was trying to fit in with! I always felt like I was swimming upstream, and fighting to accomplish certain, preset milestones. It never occurred to me that the whole world wasn't grading me, or keeping score of my failures. Why does it take SO many years before you just say, "Who gives a shit what the world thinks!? This is MY life, and I'm going to live it my way, at my speed, and do the best I can !" I guess, more than anything, life is just about moving forward, one step at a time, and trying to enjoy it along the way. Sounds easy enough, but somehow, I always seem to get distracted with some silly thing, that won't mean anything, in the long run.
Well, I know for sure, that I'm not accomplishing much of anything today. I'm just not up for setting a lot of goals right now. I'll do well to make the pile of dishes in the sink disappear. I wonder if anyone would notice if I just pitched them in the trash ? At least I wouldn't have to look at them anymore. And you know? These people probably expect me to make another meal for them sometime today. I don't know, I think I'm gonna need a nap before I undertake that job. I'm feeling kind of cranky about doing my job today. I just discovered that we are out of Tylenol - again ! People in this house eat Tylenol like it was made by the Hostess Snack company! I buy Tylenol three or four times a month, I only want one or two doses a month, and the damn bottle is ALWAYS EMPTY !
Oh sheesh ! Jake is home from school with one of his friends, and He just asked me if his birth was an accident?
I told them, "No, Roy and I tried for five years to get pregnant with Jake." ( which isn't bad for a guy that's supposed to be sterile.)
So Heather asked how long it took us to get her? I said, "Uh . . . two years, do the math!"
Quentin, Jake's friend, said, "Wow ! it only took my mom and dad about 8 beers and 5 minutes to get me !"
Do you see what my life is like? Is there any wonder that my brain is fried ?
Well, it seems that I have to go make pancakes for this bunch. I have no idea why they MUST have pancakes at 4 PM in the afternoon, but apparently, that's their bizarre food request for the day. Jake wants to know if I can make pancakes in the shape of Sponge Bob Square pants, because "Sponge Bob is pimp." Ugh ! I really need some Tylenol and a nap !
Later . . .
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Posted by Auburn~haired~artist at Tuesday, May 06, 2008