Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Barely hanging on

Let me just say up front, I ran out of anti-depressants on Friday and my attitude has been steadily going down hill since then. It doesn't take long for me to feel the dark clouds creeping back in. I've been struggling since . . . Sunday? I don't know, the timing was bad for all this to happen. Things just haven't been good. Between finances, hormones, Christmas, the weather, and just life in general, I was just barely hanging on by the skin of my teeth. Three days without meds was asking for too much. I feel like shit physically, mentally, and emotionally. For the past two days, I feel like I've spent every ounce of available energy just holding myself together.

Thankfully, my refill was finally ready to be picked up this afternoon. I probably won't start feeling normal again until Thursday or Friday. Still, I have to make my self do some thing tomorrow, I can't take another day of this crap. Today has been the worst.

We had about an inch and a half of snow over night (actually, the majority of it fell during the early morning hours) and as a result, a lot of area schools got a snow day. Except for Olathe schools, they had classes as usual . Since Heather has been praying for a snow day since Sunday night, Roy decided to give her and Jake a snow day anyway. ( he probably didn't want to hear Heather rail about the unfairness and stupidity of it all) Anyway, he shut off my alarm and let everyone sleep in this morning.

It's not that having the kids at home is a problem, Jake and Heather get along unusually well for siblings. For the most part, they're good kids, and they rarely fight or argue, and they are quite cape able of fending for themselves at home. However, they are unusually good at reading my moods and they know when things aren't right with mom. There's nothing worse than being asked 20 times a day, "Is something wrong, Mom?" . . . "Do you feel okay ?" especially, when you don't have a simple, easy answer to give them.

Anyway, I'm going to get myself to bed and try this "life thing" again tomorrow.

Good night all.

Love,
Susan

3 howled back:

Cat said...

Susan I think there must be something in the air, hang in there - I am thinking of ya and hoping those meds kick in fast for you!

sparsely kate said...

Oh, I just read this only now. I'm sorry I wasn't there to try and tell a dumb joke or talk about Chewbacca and wonder what his favourite sexual position would be...you know, something to take your mind off it all :)

Auburn haired artist said...

Thaks Ladies, I am feeling better now. I took a two hour nap and woke up feeling much better. Once my head had cleared and I was able to keep down some food, I realised that the issues today (Wednesday) were probably the result of going back on my pills at full strength. I'm supposed to take half strength for the first couple of days - Ooops!
Well, since I am past the unpleasant side effects, I'll be fine and it is kicking in much faster than I expected. Thank You, Jesus!!! (A couple hours of Neausea and headaches was worth it.