Friday, December 5, 2008

Bathroom Duty

Alright. Since I did a big fat nothing yesterday, I am announcing that today, I have plans. Today, the big chore is to clean both bathrooms. Of course, they aren't really dirty . . . yet, but that's part of the plan.

For almost a week now, I've been telling everyone around here that it's long past bath time for my dogs. When I say this to my husband, he just rolls his eyes and chuckles. Sometimes, he murmurs some unintelligible words about my sanity under his breath. Here's the thing, with FIVE dogs, It's not like I can just drop them at the groomers and spend the afternoon shopping. With that many dogs, not only would they lock the doors when they saw me coming, but I suspect it would cost me almost a weeks pay check. So I am on my own on this one.

Which now that I think about it, really isn't fair. I do everything for these dogs! I feed them, walk them, discipline them, clean up their messes, and all the while Heather tells everyone that Angel is her baby, Nick regularly argues that Pete has always been "his dog", Jake claims that he called dibs on Phoenix the day he was born, and lets face it, Princess spends more time sleeping with my husband than I do ! But if I just give Midnight a bath, he'll think that I'm picking on him, or that he did something bad. Poor little Midnight has enough mental issues as it is.

UGH!!! the reality is, they ARE ALL MY dogs. They don't listen to a word anyone else says. They spend their days following me around the house, they hang on my every word and gesture, I wake every morning surrounded by them, and they could care less if anyone else comes or goes around here. But when mom leaves the house, they sit at the window waiting for me to come home, and cry and howl like orphans until I return.

*SIGH* I know. I'm just trying to squirm out of doing this. The thing is, they are not puppies any more. In fact, my boys, the pups, are now the two biggest of the pack ! They easily weigh 75 to 80 pounds - EACH ! It's going to be the equivalent of scrubbing down a herd of cows - shivering, whimpering, cowering, cows ! Except for Princess, but even she is a cow of a Min-Pin. At 25 pounds, she is twice the normal size for her breed.

I keep reminding myself how nice they will smell, and how soft they will be to touch afterwards. They won't hate me. They love their mom and they will forgive me anything. I will start with the biggest and work my way down to Princess. I have lots of towels, dog shampoo, brushes, space heaters to warm them with, the only thing I don't have is courage. Even though all three of the boys are Lab mixes, they don't like the water. Well at least they don't like CLEAN water.

The worst part is that wide eyed look of terror that they always give me. As if they are saying,

"Why mom? What did I do to deserve this?!!! I'll be good, I promise !"

But they wont. I know. There is something about a freshly bathed dog that just can NOT resist trouble. As soon as they are clean, and the awful wet dog smell starts to fade, they will go in search of smelly things to roll in, and trash to dump, and mud puddles to dance in, the mischief will go on for days !

Okay, I have managed to put this off as long as I can. This is a whole lot of crap to go through, just to clean a bathroom. Wish me luck - Please ! . . . . Where did I put that life jaket? . . .

3 howled back:

Anonymous said...

Oh you could hear the procrastination just ringing off every word in this post, hahah.

I wonder if you've bathed them yet? are you still alive?!?!

Bart HATES the dog groomers. I've tried two different places and both times he is extremely traumatised. I just thought that was him being a pain in the ass as usual but no, most dogs don't like it do they?

Good luck~~!

Cat said...

heheh i am with kate - I heard you delaying the enevitable!

Have a great weekend!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Are you really going to try to bath them by yourself? When we bathed my dog Muffin, who weighed only 30 lbs, it was at least a two-person job with a third person guarding the bathroom door for when she tried to escape.

Good luck!