Gutenberg part 1

Almost a year ago, back in February of 2007, I wrote a blog about my Golden retriever, Honey Bear, who passed away in March of 2005. At that time, I had intended to also blog about my German Shepard, Gutenberg, who passed away a year later; however, it was just too emotional. Recently, a blogger friend, Sometimes Saintly Nick, began writing a multi part recollection of one of his former pets, which has been greatly enjoyed by many, myself included. I believe that animals, like people, come into our lives for a purpose, and that we can learn alot from them if we are willing to open our hearts, as well as our homes to them. Since the story of Gutenberg is one that I had wanted to share, I thought I'd give this method a try. I hope that you enjoy it.

The first time that I ever saw Gutenberg was in August of 2001. My husband and I were driving past a house that we would soon be moving into. A house that I thought would become our dream house. It was a 100+ year old country house, at the end of a long gravel road. To the front and rear were acres upon acres of woods that eventually became part of the Wyandot County Park Hiking Trails. To the left, were almost thirty acres of farm land, and beyond that, barely visible, the highway. For five miles to the right, were a handful of homes each settled on no less than 5 - 10 acres of Missouri woodlands.

As we drove past the house, we pulled onto the dirt road to turn around. In the center of that road, was a scrawny, ragged, female German Shepard. Instantly, I could see that this dog had the potential to be a beautiful animal if she was cleaned up and fed. As we drove slowly past her, she drew back her mouth to show her teeth in a vicious snarl and growled deeply. I remember looking at Roy and saying, "If Nick goes tromping through the woods, he needs to be sure to take his BB gun with him." The idea of one of my children happening upon that dog, while alone in the woods, genuinely frightened me and brought out my maternal instincts of protection.

Almost two weeks later, we began moving in to the house. As I returned to my van to get another load of boxes, I saw this dog inside of my car, rummaging for food ! As I walked toward the car I yelled "hey!" in a sharp loud voice. Her head popped up out of a box and she was gone in a flash, disappearing into the woods. Over the next couple of days, I would catch a glimpse of her hanging around the edge of the property. The previous owners had left behind a 1 year old rottweiler mix female that Heather quickly adopted and named Minnie. In addition, we brought with us my 3 legged Golden retriever, Honey Bear. Both Honey Bear and Minnie were friendly dogs, but their presence seemed to keep the stray Shepard at bay.

After we settled in, occasionally, one of the kids would come running into the house in a panic because the "mean dog" was getting too close for their comfort. I would go outside, yell, and she would take off running back to the woods. After Nick told me that the dog had cornered him in the barn, snarling, and bearing her teeth, I began asking our neighbors who, she belonged to.

I learned that she just showed up, almost two months prior to our moving in. Apparently, the remote area that we lived in seemed to appeal to people looking for a rural setting to "dump" their unwanted pets. It wasn't unusual for stray and Ferrel dogs to suddenly appear, and then, just as suddenly, disappear. (usually, either a result of wandering too close to the Highway in search of food, or from bothering the livestock of the farmer to our left, who would shoot them.)

I considered contacting animal control, but hesitated, knowing that her temperament would result in her being euthanized. I knew that it was probably the kindest option, but I wasn't sure that I wanted to be the one responsible for this dogs death. I finally decided that as long as she kept her distance from my kids, I would let nature take it's course and hope for the best.

A day or two later, I was in the kitchen working, when Nick came walking through - with that evil German Shepard following behind him - with her tail wagging !! Even more amazing, she was followed by our other two dogs, who were behaving as if they had known her all their lives !! Before Nick was able to escape through the front door, I yelled, "WHOA !!!"

Nick returned with his parade of canines. I looked at this dog that everyone, including myself, had feared for weeks, and said, "What the hell is this !" pointing at her.

Nick smiled and said, "ah mom, she was just hungry."

I rolled my eyes and said, "I know ! She almost ate YOU last week!"

Nick looked down at her and started rubbing her neck, "Yeah, I know. But I started thinking about that, and I felt really bad about frightening her. So, today, I brought her some food, and she has been following me around ever since. She's a really good dog, can I keep her ?"

"NO !!" I responded, "And get her out of my house, and away from my babies."

"She's my dog." Nick said as he went back outside.

For the rest of the day, I watched her follow Nick everywhere. It was obvious that they both adored each other. She seemed gentle and respectful enough when Nick introduced her to Jake and Heather, but I still didn't trust her. Never the less, there were three dogs lying on the floor, gathered around the diner table by evening. Roy noticed the connection between the two of them, and as usual, took Nick's side. I finally told Nick that if she was going to be in my house, he'd have to give her a bath. And if she EVER showed even an ounce of aggression, towards anyone, she was gone !

I can't Sleep !

Hey,


It's 3:00am and it's been a crazy, stressful day. I wasn't even going to post this evening, but for some reason I can't seem to sleep - my brain won't shut off. So here I am.

I found out this morning that Roy's negotiations with our landlord seems to have broken down, so it's looking like a move is in the near future. I've gone back and forth on how I feel about that and I've finally concluded that it doesn't matter how I feel, it's going to happen and I have to trust that all will work out. And it will.

Let's see, what else is new around here? Hmmmm . . .

Heather has been running a low grade temperature all day and feeling generally yucky so we took the day off.

Jacob came home from school, and announced that he wants to change his name to Rinaldo. Now why didn't I think of that when I was picking out baby names ? Sounds to me like he is thinking about running away with the circus. I hope that works out for him. I don't know where he comes up with this crap.
My kids are so strange.

When Jasmin was little, I used to tell her that if she didn't behave herself, I'd sell her to the Gypsies. Now that she has her own "demon daughter", she threatens Ana with the same fate. Recently, she took her kids to the Renaissance Festival where they had a Gypsy camp set up. As soon as Ana saw the camp and all the Gypsies dancing around the fire in their beautiful costumes, she gave Jasmin's sleeve a tug and said "Mom ! I wanna go with THEM !!! They're so cool !!!"
Sorry, it's late. That was just a random memory. Has nothing to do with what I was talking about.

What else . . . Jake and Heather instigated a food fight at dinner this evening. That was fun. They started tossing french fries into the air for the dogs to catch, it quickly escalated to "fry slaps", and after that, it's all a blur. I don't even care any more. It was fun, and the dogs REALLY enjoyed it.

Since Nick has been home, he's been working with Roy to earn some extra money. However, during income tax time, (now thru April) things are usually pretty slow for them. So this morning, (actually Tuesday am) Nick went down to a temp service and started working for a guy who is opening up a furniture store. So he spent today unloading the truck, and for the next couple of weeks, he'll be assembling and moving furniture for him. Nick is happy. He doesn't care what he does, he's just happy to work. He has always been that way, he can't stand to be bored, it's one of the things I really like about Nick.

Uh oh, the big old bear just wandered down stairs and gave me one of his looks that says he disapproves of me being up so late. He's been in bed since 9:30 pm. Maybe he's slept long enough for me to get a cuddle. Wish me luck, I'm going to give it a shot.

Good night all.
Love ya,
Susan

P.S. Mel - My blogger has been doing weird stuff all night too. Not the same things as yours, but it won't let me do certain things.

Updates and Appologies.

Hey there,



I'm sorry to report that I have temporarily lost my mind. While I am quite sure that this is most likely just a passing trial, I will be spending this evening in prayer and worship because. . . . that's just the way I roll.



For those of you interested, here are today's updates;



I have made a huge batch of cookies (chocolate chip and peanut butter -yum!) and I am currently indulging in several as I write.



Good news, Midnight has learned to catch a cookie tossed into the air ! But, only if your aim is good. (maybe he doesn't see well ? Or, it's possible that he's just lazy.)



Nick's situation remains unchanged. (not exactly news.)



My grandson's father has just learned that he is being re-deployed to Iraq (this will be the second time) in October. Christian, my grandson will be moving in with Jasmin while his father serves his country. (please pray for both of them)



My youngest son, Jake, is denying all knowledge of the whereabouts of his second Quarter report card. (I'm not buying that story.)



Both my mother, and Roy's mother, are both home and doing better.



My hairbrush and lighter are still MIA. (however, my favorite pair of jeans did show up in the laundry.)



Almost forgot, Jacob had his photo on the front page of the local news paper last week. Finally got it downloaded. (click to enlarge) Good news, the whole town now knows that my son is a party animal !

I think that's all for today. Hopefully, I'll be back tomorrow - with my mind intact.

Love to all,
Susan

* Why do fools fall in love ?

Hey there,



Well, I went to go see my mom today. I have concluded that this woman is crazy. According to her, she became seriously distressed over her breathing on Friday. She came home from work and sat in her big comfy bed room chair, where she sits to read her paper and do the crosswords, and stayed there all night. Why ? Because she was completely unable to breathe when she laid down in bed, and she was waiting for the urgent care to open at 9 AM.

It seems to me, that if a person is unable to breathe, they would either go to the emergency room, or call someone to take them - not my mom. She sat there trying to breathe until 9 AM, then drives HERSELF to urgent care ! I asked her how she managed to get there with such a low oxygen level ?

Her response, "I took two deep puffs off my inhaler, jumped in the car and drove there."

Then she added, "Oh yeah, I smoked two cigarettes on the way there, and then two cigarettes on my way to the hospital, because I knew that they wouldn't let me smoke when I got there."

I just shook my head and sighed. I know that she's just waiting to be released tomorrow so she can light up a smoke, go home, change clothes and head straight into work. She has already made it clear that she HAS to go to work tomorrow. I don't know what I'm going to do with this woman - except, to get close enough to check on her on a regular basis.


As soon as we left the hospital, we went straight over to Jasmin's house to look at a few houses over by her and my mom. I don't know, I have to have a place that's big enough for us, and alot of the houses in that area are older. Many of them are beautiful, but the rooms and the lots are small. I've got a few numbers that I'm going to call tomorrow. I'm just hoping that we can find something soon. Jasmin wanted us to stay and hang out for a while, but my hubby was in one of his poopy moods, so we headed home, feeling kind of disappointed.

I got home, checked my emails to find that Roy's mom will also be released tomorrow. In spite of the fact that she just had a serious surgery, and she's 89 years old, I worry about her less than I do my mom. Two of her daughters are living with her, she takes what the doctor tells her seriously, and she's got a fantastic attitude.

So tomorrow could become a very interesting and crazy kind of day. I've already got enough craziness in my home and my life. One of the newest, craziest things is that Midnight, my black lab pup, has fallen in love with - of all dogs - Princess! She doesn't seem to be in heat. None of the other dogs are paying any attention to her, and Midnight's overtures toward Princess are not along those lines. He just loves her. Who knows what goes on in the hearts and minds of dogs ? Midnight has always been the sweet, gentle, soulful type. When the other dogs go running along the fence line barking at some stranger on the other side, Midnight goes running for the door for protection and safety. Midnight is everyone's favorite play mate because he's just so happy and gentle. However, we have all noticed that he's really NOT the sharpest tool in the shed. He's a little slow, but that's part of his charm. He's the pup that always wants to be close to me. Where ever I go, he is at my feet. When Roy climbs out of bed in the morning, it's Midnight who claims his space, and I wake up every morning with his chin resting on my neck.

I have no idea why this sweet pup would choose the meanest, crankiest, feistiest dog in the whole state to fall in love with. Maybe, he's attracted to that little tiny head, with a sweet face, stuck onto that round plump body ? Maybe he thinks that his love will melt her heart and subdue that savage, bossy, mean streak in her ? Maybe, he's just a romantic ? All I know is that he is obsessed with nuzzling her. He approaches her with a soft whine, and wants nothing more than to cuddle and lick her face. Of course, It could be that Midnight's tongue is bigger than Princess's whole head, but I doubt that is what she objects to. It's a known fact that princess spends most of her time looking for a warm body to snuggle with. But she is just mean enough to reject Midnight's repeated invitations to cuddle. She would prefer to grab hold of his upper lip, and bite until he cries out in pain, and runs to me for comfort. But still, he persists in his gentle wooing of the little beast.

It would be nice if Midnight could tame her with his love . . .but, I just don't think that's going to happen. Princess is just too rotten. And it breaks my heart to see the hurt, confused look in his eyes when she rejects him in such a painful way. They say that opposites attract, and that love hurts, but I don't think Midnight has any idea what he's in for. It's so sad - she's so mean.

Oh well, My kids are going back to school tomorrow, and even my late night wanderer, Heather, is finally asleep. So I better get myself upstairs too and get some sleep.

Good night all,
Love,
Susan

Saturday Night

Hey,

What a day ! I called my mom and she said that she was just too exhausted for visits today. She didn't get much sleep last night, and she wanted to get as much rest in between being woke up every four hours by nurses. I can so relate to that. I never understood why nurses feel it necessary to announce their presence with overhead lights and the clashing of cymbals. So, I will get up to see her tomorrow - whether she likes it or not. For now, I feel better knowing that she's some where safe and she's being looked after. This woman is so impossible. She went back to see the doctor the Thursday after Christmas. He put her on new meds and she started feeling better. So what does she do ? She goes back to work. Throughout this whole episode, I don't think she has taken a full day off work. Even when she started feeling out of breath, she wouldn't go see anyone until Saturday morning. (her day off) She actually drove herself to urgent care this morning, thinking she would get a pill or a breathing treatment and be able to go back to work on Monday. But when they checked her oxygen level and found that it was only 80 - the doctor put her in the hospital. Part of me is just so pissed. For as far back as I can remember, her job has always seemed more important than anything (or anyONE) else in her life. It took me along time to get over being angry about that, and to build a relationship with her. Her job has always been the source for her to gauge her usefulness, and value as a person. It's always been too risky for her to depend on people for those things. I know that it sounds crazy, but I'm starting to feel that childhood jealousy and resentment all over again. But that's okay, I'm a grown up now. I've finally developed a greater understanding and appreciation of all her strange and dysfunctional workings. Doesn't change the fact that I still want to sit her down and shake some sense into her !

So to relieve my frustrations, I spent the day cleaning the shit out of my house, and making sarcastic and pissy remarks to my husband. The temperatures have continued their upward climb this week, the snow has melted away, and our back yard has turned into a mud pit. Which of course, results in muddy paw prints all over my kitchen floor. So really, no one has been safe from my wrath today. Soooo . . . my husband, being much wiser than he appears, gathered up the kids and the dogs, and took them fishing at the lake. By they time that they returned home, I was in a much better state of mind to feed them, as opposed to bite their heads off. I realise that I am a screwed up mess, I'm just thankful that I have people who love me in spite of it. So I should probably come up with some thing sweet to do for them tomorrow to make amends for my behavior.

I just checked my email a little while ago, and the news from Florida isn't as good as we hoped. The doctor is going to keep Roy's mom a little longer because they haven't been able to get a blood pressure reading on her right arm. I have no idea how serious, or unusual that might be. It certainly doesn't sound good to me. However, I do know this - Roy's mom is the complete opposite of my mom. The doctor told her to get up and about today, and try to use her right arm more. and it is just beyond her comprehension to not do exactly what the doctor tells her to do. Roy's sister included a photo of her sitting up in her chair, eating lunch and holding her pudding cup over her head, with a great big grin on her face. I swear, she is just the cutest damn thing! I can't imagine anyone smiling after having their breast removed. If we could bottle this woman's positive attitude, we could solve the world's problems overnight. All of Roy's (4) sisters live in Florida with her, Deb says that they are just rolling on the floor laughing over some of her conversations - after she gets her pain pills. She's a hoot ! All of the women in her family have a reputation for living to be 95-100 years old. With her attitude, she may out live them all.

Well, my body is aching from the abuse I've given it today. I think I'll go soak in a hot tub and put myself to bed.

Love to all,
Susan

Post - holiday Insanity.

Hi


I've been trying to get something posted since Friday afternoon, but every time that I sit down to write, something new happens. Unfortunately, it's not been alot of happy stuff.

First of all, Roy's Mother, in Florida, was diagnosed with breast cancer shortly before Christmas. She had surgery Friday morning to have her right breast removed. In spite of the fact that she is 89 years old, and she has given birth to, and raised 8 children, she is one healthy lady! According to all the reports from Florida, the surgery only took 19 minutes, and she is doing great. He should be going home sometime today, maybe tomorrow.

This morning, I got a call from my brother that MY mother was being taken to the hospital. I had just spoke with her on Tuesday, and she was sounding good. My brother Mark, and his wife, Lesta, took her to lunch that afternoon, and they reported that she seemed to be on the mend as well. I haven't gotten all the details of what, or when things went bad, but she ended up at urgent care this morning and the doctor had her admitted to get her oxygen level back up.
So, I'm rushing around here trying to get my house in order, so that I can get up to see her this afternoon after she gets settled into a room. Jasmin gets off work at 3:30 and I think she wants to go with me.

I've spent the entire past two weeks struggling to accomplish anything at all; there has just been so much chaos and confusion. ( some days, just keeping an eye on Nick, is a full time job) Now, I'm looking at the last weekend before the kids return to school, and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done - NOW.

So . . . I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, I've just got alot of stuff that I'm trying to juggle all at once. I keep telling myself that I'm just getting all the crappy "karma" out of the way, so that the rest of the year can be smooth sailing and peaceful. At least that's the little mantra that I keep repeating to aid in my denial, and get me through the moment. When I get a moment to breathe, I'll put it all into a more sensible perspective and I'll be able handle it better. Right now, I just have to get through it, and not ask questions.

You all are always in my thoughts and prayers, even when I'm not on line.
Love ya,
Susan

* Wednesday Woes

Post from Wednesday January 2, 2008 5:30PM

Hey y'all,

Well, so far, 2008 isn't exactly off to a good start. At least, not for me anyway. Yesterday, we were having issues with the phone, off and on, all day.This morning, I woke up to no phone and no internet. ( y'all know how much I love the cable company, right?)
From the day they hooked us up, it's been one issue after another. We have one local company that provides cable T.V., digital phone, and Internet. I think that
they may have stretched themselves a bit thin because,
it's rare that all three work at the same time !

After I chatting with a customer service rep, in Louisiana! I wasn't the least bit surprised that they had no idea whatthe problem might be. However, they were kind enough to set up an appointment for a service tech to come out and have a look at the situation -- ON FRIDAY !! ( Is he driving up from Louisiana !?! ) The phone started working on it's own this afternoon, but so far, no luck with the internet. So I sit here this evening, typing this on Word until Comcast either figures out which one of their lines are crossed, or they send some one out.

I used Heather's new cell phone to read a few blogs this afternoon and to check my email, but I almost went blind trying to punch all those teeny - tiny bottons. I know that teenagers think those things are so Cool, but I haven't the time, patience, or fingers they require.

Yesterday, I called Jasmin and asked her if she would keep her eyes peeled for a house out by where she lives, so that I can be closer to both her, and my mom. (and of course, my grand kids.) Oh my gosh, you would have thought that those words were spoken from a burning bush ! That girl is ON the situation ! She's emailing me photos, and texting phone numbers, at the speed of light! (With one of those tiny cell phone thingies no less !!) Of course I haven't been able to axcess any of them, but when I checked my mailbox, there were a ton of messages from her.

Bonner Springs, Kansas isn't as close to Roy's work as the other houses that we were looking at, but it's 15 miles closer than where we are now. So it's a compromise, but wth gas prices like they are, even 15 miles closer, will make a noticeable difference.

Okay, this is the new scoop on Nick. This afternoon, he came to me and presented "HIS PLAN". Sorry, but I couldn't help rolling my eyes. Nick, wants to go back to work as a brick layer working for his old employer. (which, in and of it's self, is fine - He's good at it, and the pay is good.) Except, those crews travel from city to city, and they could be on the other side of the country by now - in fact, it's likely that they are. And I'm sure that is what attracts Nick to this idea.

So basically,
he has decided to just ignore the whole situation with the courts, and go on with his life, doing what he wants. He knows that eventually, the courts will catch up with him, and he'll have to serve his time, but he would rather it happen later, rather than sooner. So when I pointed out to him that when they catch up to him - and they will - the effects that it will have on his life
will almost certainly be worse then, than they will be now. His response:
"I can't sit around worrying about what may, or may not, happen in the future."
(urgh ! More eye rolling.)
So we moved onto discussion of that annoying little issue that is the catayst for all his current problems, and the fact that he has yet to change any of the thoughts, or behaviors, that have put him in this situation to begin with.
Nick's response: a look of deep confusion.
More eye rolling on my part.
So, as tactfully as possible, I pointed out that he had yet to accheive sobriety for even 24 hours. Did he really think it was wise to go on 6 month to 2 year road trip (with pay - in cash) with a bunch of guys that are bigger addicts than he is ?
Nick's face lit up, and he said,
"Oh mom, I decided last night that I'm never going to drink again, and meth,
and coke, are just bad."
Well, Glory to God ! He's finally seen the light ! Y'all have no idea what a weight has been lifted from my shoulders !
(At this point, not only did I roll my eyes, but I started moaning, and slowly banging
my head on the wall.)
I didn't even bother with the whole "right vs. wrong discussion." That usually never works out very well anyway. It just frustrates him, and he ends up needing something to "straighten out his thoughts."
Anyway, I told him that a "PLAN B" might be a good idea.

In my world, 75% of the conversations that I have, are like this one.
Anyway, I need to get dinner cooking. Hopefully, I'll be back on line by Friday.

Love to all,
Susan

Ughhhh !!!!

Hey,



This has been one LONG, LONG day. Roy is off work for New Years day, Nick is home, (there's a wonderful story) and the kids are out of school until Monday. So I've got a houseful of people, and five dogs, and it's too cold outside to do much of anything. I have so much work that needs to be done, but there is no point in even trying. Roy, and Nick have spent the entire day laid out on the couches in the living room, watching T.V. and eating everything in sight. Heather has taken over the family room - on the computer. Jake and Khris have been up and down the stairs between the bedrooms and the kitchen, playing video games and eating. And the dogs have been just about to drive me crazy wanting in and out all day long. I'm just not the kind of person who can sit around and do nothing, so I'm just feeling a lot of frustration.

Okay. Like I said, we went to go see Nick on Sunday. He seemed . . .Okay, but I could tell that he wasn't as up and positive as he usually is. After lunch we had some time to talk, and he told me that he finally got to talk with his probation officer. She told him that she had no choice but to to recommend that his probation be revoked as a result of his last relapse. Which means that as soon as she can get a court date set, the judge will probably (in light of his record) send him back to jail to complete his original sentence.

So he was feeling depressed, and he just didn't see any point in continuing his treatment at the Rehab, since he wasn't going to be allowed to complete the program. And since he won't be able to complete the program, his diversion on his (two)DUI's will eventually be revoked as well. (completing rehab is a condition of his diversion.) So he's looking at serving almost a year in jail with the three combined sentences.

So Nick called yesterday morning and said that he wanted to come home. And I really can understand that. I miss him, I'd like to spend some time with him if he's going to jail for a year. The problem is, I have to look at the bigger picture. As his mom, I know him pretty well; and as much as I hate to admit it, I know far more about addicts and their motivations than I'd like. I'm far more concerned about keeping him sober and safe than he is. In the long run, he is safer and has a better chance at sobriety, if he stays at the Salvation Army. In addition, he doesn't need any more charges filed against him for doing . . . God knows what, before he gets to court. Which is a very real possibility, if he comes home. So I asked him to please, take some time and consider what his real motivations were, before he made a decision to leave rehab.

Less than two hours later, he called me to say that he was with Roy and he was bringing him home. I could tell from the sound of his voice that he had already been drinking or using. So essentially, as soon as he got off the phone with me, he walked out the door of the rehab, and went looking for a high before he called Roy to pick him up.

When he got home, he passed out and slept until dinner time. I woke up to eat, and two hours later, he started worshipping at the porcelain altar. That continued until I went to bed at 2:30am. And so it has begun. I'm sure that he has no intentions of notifying his probation officer that he is at home and the Salvation Army isn't exactly famous for following the procedures that are required when a court ordered client leaves.

So basically, I have two choices. I can call his P.O. myself, and tell her that he's home, and hope that she does something. Like, Oh I don't know. . . . maybe schedule a court date for his revocation hearing ? Because at this point, she hasn't even done that! In fact, all that she has done so far, is to schedule an appointment for Nick to see her on Jan. 30th. In reality, the courts and court officers don't really care. They do the absolute minimum that's required of them. They could care less if he goes out and racks up another charge - as far as they're concerned, that's Nick's problem. ( good thing he's not a murderer or a pedophile, huh?)

Or, I could patiently wait until he gets drunk/high again, and I can tell him that he can't stay here anymore. Although in the past, that really hasn't worked. The last time that things reached that point, he would either sneak into the house at night to sleep, or after we started locking the doors, he slept in the back yard. It's just too difficult for me to call the police on anyone - especially my own son - who is THAT pathetic.

Bottom line, his P.O. should never have TOLD him what she was going to do - she should have just done it. I guess that would require far too great an amount of intelligence and accountability.

Sheesh, this whole line of thought is starting to depress me. I think that I'll go to bed and pray that Roy and Nick go to work tomorrow - maybe I'll be able to get something done around here tomorrow.

Love to all,
Susan

P.S. Guys, I'm sorry for being such a bummer today :)

Last weekend of the 2007

Hey,

I've created a monster ! A couple of weeks ago, I started playing Scrabble with Roy, on Face book. I started playing with Mel. (she kicked my butt on the last game.) I asked the kids if they would want to play with me, but noooooo. . . They're way too busy to play with mom. So I talked Roy into playing. He would play his turn in the morning, before work, and I would play sometime during the day. But when we're home together, like on the weekends. . . he turns into some kind of Scrabble Nazi !

"Honey, I played my word. Play your word, Okay ?"
I tell him, " Okay, I'll do it when I check my mail"
Ten minutes later, "Honey did you play your word yet ? I need you to play your word."
So I drop everything, and play my word.
Ten minutes later, "Honey, I played my word. Play your word now, Okay ?"

This goes on all day and into the night. Roy and I now have two games going at the same time. And somehow, he managed to get Jake and Heather to play too. (sure. . .they'll play with Dad, but not ME.) I'm not complaining, it's fun. At least I can finally put my Face book account to good use. I'm just used to having more time to think out my moves. Maybe, he's trying to rush me so he can win ?

Anyway, It's been a pretty good weekend around here. Roy took the kids sledding on Saturday. Then, Heather and I went to Borders (bookstore) so she could spend some of her Christmas money. Heather has never been very fond of reading. But since she has gotten interested in Anime, and she discovered that Borders has a huge manga section, she's suddenly spending every penny on books. In fact, a Borders book card was #1 on her Christmas list. She could gobble up 2 or 3 books a day - if she could afford it. Of course, they are all written in a comic book type of format, but reading is reading. Besides, Roy has very little interest in reading, and I could spend days wandering around in a bookstore, so hanging out at Borders has sort of become a mother/daughter activity.

I got to go to church this morning !! wooohoooo! Since I wasn't able to get to see Nick on Wednesday night, we went to services and lunch at the Salvation Army so we could spend a little time with him this morning. Of course, the kids weren't thrilled about it. Church at the Downtown Salvation Army isn't exactly the kind of "Church" that they're used to. The ARC has about 140 men, and on Sunday morning, they serve lunch to the homeless people who come to church services. Aside from getting to see Nick, I sort of thought that it might be good for Jake and Heather to see what kind of ministry their brother is doing for others. (and Nick really loves doing that kind of work) My kids moan and groan about how "miserable" their lives are - they have no idea what it's like to not have a home, or to have to carry all your worldly belongings around in a paper sack. On the way home, we passed a group of men that were living under a highway overpass bridge who were warming themselves over a sewer steam vent. But they were so busy with their Ipod and cell phone, I don't think it made much of an impression.
This evening, Jacob went to a New Year's eve - eve party with his regular church youth group. They are doing a lock in at Bump city. Bump City is like a McDonalds play land for teenagers. They have rock wall climbing, big screen T.V.s with Xbox and Wii hooked up to them, in-ground trampolines, ziplines, dodgeball, movies, music, mazes, rope swings, pizza - the works. You would think that such an obvious contrast between the two worlds would have some kind of impact on him. But I don't think he really gets it. It maybe just a bit much for a teen to get their minds around.

I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do about Church in 2008. We have only been to church a few times since VBS in June. I'd really like to go back, but it just seems like every time I do, I get so overwhelmed with "stuff," that the whole point gets lost. I really want to be involved, and use whatever talents I might have to serve. . . But I end up spending EVERY Sunday teaching the little ones, doing ALL the crafts, decorations, props, and scenery for EVERY event, plus clean team once a month, plus all the murals for all the classrooms and offices. And the thing is, they know how much I do, so their solution is to pressure me to go to all the women's Bible studies, and prayer meetings, and retreats so that "my tank doesn't run low - spiritually." Uh. . . . there aren't enough hours in the day ! As much as I love the people - it's too much. And here is the really stupid part. Every time we have gone to a new church, I sit there in service thinking about all the areas where I could be useful ! So it's possible that it just might be ME. Ya think ?

Well, it's getting late and I have to go have lab work done tomorrow morning. I'm not supposed to eat anything after midnight, and if I stay up, I'll eventually end up eating - just because that's what I do. So I better get myself to bed.

Hope you all have a safe and happy new year !!!!
love ya,
Susan

* My husband, my hero

Hey there,

This lovely gift, is what we woke up to this morning. All month long, we have had snow, warm weather, snow, etc. This is the first time that we have been able to accumulate more than a few inches at one time. We had two inches from Wednesday, and last night, we got another four inches. Unfortunately, everyone woke up today feeling yucky with sniffles, and headaches, and coughs. So there will be no snow play today. Instead, I think that we'll all snuggle down inside and enjoy the view. Feels like a good day to snuggle.

After the past few days, I think we could all use a nice quiet day. Yesterday was absolute insanity. In addition the the usual kids from the hood, two of my grand kids, Christian and Ana, called and asked if they could come and play (which means sleepover) on Wednesday. I woke up yesterday morning and was barely able to recognise my own house. In addition the the wreckage that results from having a house full of teens/preteens during the Christmas week, Peter had managed to search out and destroy several Christmas gift boxes - all over my living room. (Of course, they were very dangerous looking boxes.) So I decided that pills, or no pills, the house needed to be cleaned. I started upstairs and worked my way down. By the time I reached the second level, (living room/kitchen) I concluded that Princess had fallen off the chair and into the Christmas tree one too many times, so I set about the task of dis-assembling the very sad looking tree.

As I ventured into the basement to bring up the boxes, I found that our main sewer drain, which also serves the other half of our duplex, had backed up all over the basement floor. Since backed up floor drains are NOT in my contract, Roy spent the next 8 hours conducting an activity that seemed to me, to be very much like a military training exercise. Phone calls were made, high level, executive decisions were made, weapons were gathered, and Roy rallied his troop of teenage boys to enter into combat. He began barking orders and plans were laid for the assault.

"Jake, take another man with you, and make your way out to the truck. I need my tool box, my leather gloves, a flashlight, and the hand held 20 foot snake. Be careful men, don't let yourselves be seen, and get back here right away!"

"Khris, you move those animal carriers and boxes, Take cover in that spot under the steps, and prepare for incoming! Damn it, man ! wear your night goggles ! We don't know what this drain will throw at us !"

After a few hours of deafening noises, cursing, and general chaos; the situation was upgraded to def con 4. More phone calls were made, additional troops were called in, and they broke out the heavy artillery. Scott's truck had just pulled into the drive, and several of our boys were frantically unloading ominous equipment. Moments later, Christian appeared at the top of the stairs, and civilian instructions were given.

"Call Khris' parents, next door! Alert them to the situation, tell them to stock up on bottled water, and to shut down all water routes both in and out of their home. This is NOT a drill !!"

I did my best to remain calm. As I nervously plucked shiny ornaments off the tree, the sky began to darken, and floor beneath my feet began to shake. The roar of heavy equipment filled the air, and the smell was slowly beginning to find it's way to the upper levels of the house. The dogs were becoming frantic, and the girls were complaining about the smell. In the midst of cleaning, repacking Christmas decorations, and answering the phone, I was instructed to relocate the children and canines to the upper levels of the house for safety.

Finally, around 10:30 pm, I had accomplished my mission for the day. I had the the tree down, the furniture rearranged, the room cleaned, and vacuumed, and all the Christmas decorations packed into boxes and waiting in the kitchen to be moved down stairs. Half an hour later, there was a silence followed by a shout of triumph. Roy and his men made their way up the stairs with a section of tree roots triumphantly held over their head. My poor husband was soiled, weary and only slightly injured. I would have hugged him for his bravery and courage, but he smelled like a sewer.

While the boys showered and scavenged the kitchen for food, I began hauling boxes to the basement. When I got to the bottom of the steps, I set down the boxes and looked around. My nice orderly, organised basement which serves as my art room, laundry room, and storage area, looked as if a war really had taken place ! There was was not a single item that hadn't been moved, and in some cases, toppled over and emptied. Black, wet, soiled gloves, tools and equipment were strewn everywhere. The only item that hadn't been touched was the broom. If I could have found a little red button to blow the whole house to hell, I would have pushed it. Instead, I spent the next several hours cleaning the basement and then the kitchen.

Finally, at 4:30 am, I put on a pot of coffee for my hubby, and headed upstairs to bed. Jasmin picked up Christian and Ana last night around 9 pm, so it's just the kids and me today. We all slept until Noon, and we will continue doing nothing for the rest of the day. I'm not even going to cook. I think we have earned our day off. If I knew where to find a purple heart, I'd pin one on his chest when he gets home tonight.

I hope that everyone else a has a day as lazy, and blissfully uneventful as mine !

Love to all,

Susan

* Christmas Day 2007

Hey there,


Well, Christmas will soon be over and a new year is on it's way. This has been a Christmas of revelations, but all in all, it's been good.

The kids seemed pleased with their gifts, and have been absorbed with them all day long. Both Jake and Heather invited the kids next door over to check out their new stuff, and that has turned into another over night stay. The four of them are downstairs playing games now. They've already started mapping out the rest of their Christmas break with trips to the mall, and movies that they absolutely must see. (Grand ma's Christmas money is burning a hole in their pockets.) By the end of the week, they'll know how I feel - Broke !

We took a break in the afternoon and headed over to my mom's house for the usual family gathering and Christmas dinner. That's where I got my second revelation for the holiday. As my kids are growing up and becoming more independent, my mother is growing old and I think, becoming more dependent. As I mentioned earlier this month, my mom came down with her usual winter bout of pneumonia, which is complicated by emphysema. She managed to squirm out of a hospital stay in exchange for several strong prescriptions. For the past few weeks, she has convinced me, and I think everyone else, that she is better - which has turned out to be a BIG FAT CROCK OF SHIT ! When I got to my mom's house, I was shocked to find that cooking a meal had drained her completely. She wasn't any better at all. She was moving around her own kitchen like a fragile old woman, struggling to breathe. It's just becoming obvious that I need to make time to check in on her alot more often. (since she can't be trusted to tell the truth about what's going on.) For the past year, I've been struggling to come to terms with the idea that my mom just might NOT be as indestructible as she claims. You'd probably have to know my mom, to know how difficult that is. And what I discovered today, was that in certain areas, like her home and her kitchen, she is a little more receptive to accepting my help, than my brothers. Which means that I need to be there more often. So I think that 2008 is going to require more changes than I thought.

Last night, Christmas eve, I was feeling a little down about spending another Christmas with out my oldest son. My imagination was running wild worrying about how he might feel, spending his Christmas at a Salvation Army Drug Rehab. To make things worse, I hadn't heard from him as I expected. So I finally decided to give myself a Christmas present. I picked up the phone and called Australia, to wish my friend, Mel, a Merry Christmas ! It was so wonderful to finally chat with her for a while. She's probably still giggling about my ridiculous Kansas accent. That's Okay, it cheered me up. I've never called Australia before, but it was easier than I thought. We'll have to do it more often !

About 30 minutes after I hung up with Mel, Nick finally called. He's doing okay. He ended up with a dry socket from the tooth he had removed, (ouch!) but he's feeling better now. The folks at the Salvation Army know how difficult Christmas can be for these guys, and turns out, they do a pretty good job with stuff like that. (DUH !) So, he is hanging in there pretty well. His hardest issue is the fact that he has to start the whole program over. He's been in so many rehabs and treatment programs, that it's hard. He really does work the programs, and he tries so hard, he's just starting to wonder when the little light bulb is going to come on, and he figures out what he's missing. But I have faith - he's smart enough, and he wants it bad enough - it'll happen when it's time.

Even though he isn't eligible for a pass until the end of next month, he told me that I can come up for Sunday morning, and Wednesday night services to see him. It isn't really the same as a visit, but I can spend some time with him. Besides, I'm really missing my time with God since we stopped going to church. I need to get re-focused. So, I'm going to try to get out there tomorrow evening.

Anyway, I need to get some sleep tonight. The rest of this week is filling up quickly.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night !

Love,
Susan

* Silent Night

Hi,

This has actually been a very pleasant Christmas Eve for a change ! No running to stores, circling parking lots filled with frantic, distracted drivers, no pushing through crowds to find sold out items and empty shelves, no standing in long check out lines, and no late night wrapping sessions. Today, I haven't left the house. (And I haven't had a house full of neighborhood kids either.) Things have been quiet and peaceful - which is VERY unusual.

Jake and Heather have been calm and well behaved; NOT crazed with excitement. I didn't have to force anyone into bed with threats, and I'm starting to suspect that they might wait until the sun comes up to wake me. This year, Jake and Heather's wish lists really weren't that long. Nothing on their lists were what I would consider "toys". I think they have out grown all that. This year, almost everything on their lists were electronics. As a result, the number of gifts have decreased as they've matured. This is the first year that I didn't have to cross the threshold of Toy's R Us ! As I sit here looking at all the larger, more expensive gifts under the tree, It's slowly starting to sink in . . . my babies are not babies anymore ! In alot of very practical ways, it's a good thing. Still, I can't help but feel a little bit sad. There are no sleds, no stuffed animals, no race cars, or dolls, and nothing that they will need me or Roy to figure out how to set up. The only real "toys" that we purchased were for (2 of our 3) grand kids ! Oh. my. God. I think I might cry.
No, I won't. I love my kids just the way they are, at this age, at this moment. They are wonderful, and I am proud of them, and their achievements. This is how it's supposed to be, and it's a good thing. Right ? Somebody. . . please, tell me that I'm right ! I have to stop this train of thought, I'm starting to do mental math. Figuring equations like : I'm 45 years old, my oldest child is almost 30 which means. . . I've been a mom for 66% of my life. . . which is 2/3. . . my youngest child will be graduate in 7 years. . . Thoughts like that aren't good - they never end well.

I know it's crazy, but at least I'm willing to admit it. Roy has spent his whole day being restless and depressed, and he hasn't a clue as to why. I think that he has run to the store at least 6 times, he's been watching sappy Disney Christmas movies all day long, and he's not his usual jolly self. Poor baby, he didn't even eat his peanut-butter cookies and milk before he went to bed. Oh well, maybe I 'll go to bed and see if I can cheer Santa up a bit. . . Ho, ho, ho !

Have a very merry Christmas everyone !

Love,
Susan