Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Ughhhh !!!!


This has been one LONG, LONG day. Roy is off work for New Years day, Nick is home, (there's a wonderful story) and the kids are out of school until Monday. So I've got a houseful of people, and five dogs, and it's too cold outside to do much of anything. I have so much work that needs to be done, but there is no point in even trying. Roy, and Nick have spent the entire day laid out on the couches in the living room, watching T.V. and eating everything in sight. Heather has taken over the family room - on the computer. Jake and Khris have been up and down the stairs between the bedrooms and the kitchen, playing video games and eating. And the dogs have been just about to drive me crazy wanting in and out all day long. I'm just not the kind of person who can sit around and do nothing, so I'm just feeling a lot of frustration.

Okay. Like I said, we went to go see Nick on Sunday. He seemed . . .Okay, but I could tell that he wasn't as up and positive as he usually is. After lunch we had some time to talk, and he told me that he finally got to talk with his probation officer. She told him that she had no choice but to to recommend that his probation be revoked as a result of his last relapse. Which means that as soon as she can get a court date set, the judge will probably (in light of his record) send him back to jail to complete his original sentence.

So he was feeling depressed, and he just didn't see any point in continuing his treatment at the Rehab, since he wasn't going to be allowed to complete the program. And since he won't be able to complete the program, his diversion on his (two)DUI's will eventually be revoked as well. (completing rehab is a condition of his diversion.) So he's looking at serving almost a year in jail with the three combined sentences.

So Nick called yesterday morning and said that he wanted to come home. And I really can understand that. I miss him, I'd like to spend some time with him if he's going to jail for a year. The problem is, I have to look at the bigger picture. As his mom, I know him pretty well; and as much as I hate to admit it, I know far more about addicts and their motivations than I'd like. I'm far more concerned about keeping him sober and safe than he is. In the long run, he is safer and has a better chance at sobriety, if he stays at the Salvation Army. In addition, he doesn't need any more charges filed against him for doing . . . God knows what, before he gets to court. Which is a very real possibility, if he comes home. So I asked him to please, take some time and consider what his real motivations were, before he made a decision to leave rehab.

Less than two hours later, he called me to say that he was with Roy and he was bringing him home. I could tell from the sound of his voice that he had already been drinking or using. So essentially, as soon as he got off the phone with me, he walked out the door of the rehab, and went looking for a high before he called Roy to pick him up.

When he got home, he passed out and slept until dinner time. I woke up to eat, and two hours later, he started worshipping at the porcelain altar. That continued until I went to bed at 2:30am. And so it has begun. I'm sure that he has no intentions of notifying his probation officer that he is at home and the Salvation Army isn't exactly famous for following the procedures that are required when a court ordered client leaves.

So basically, I have two choices. I can call his P.O. myself, and tell her that he's home, and hope that she does something. Like, Oh I don't know. . . . maybe schedule a court date for his revocation hearing ? Because at this point, she hasn't even done that! In fact, all that she has done so far, is to schedule an appointment for Nick to see her on Jan. 30th. In reality, the courts and court officers don't really care. They do the absolute minimum that's required of them. They could care less if he goes out and racks up another charge - as far as they're concerned, that's Nick's problem. ( good thing he's not a murderer or a pedophile, huh?)

Or, I could patiently wait until he gets drunk/high again, and I can tell him that he can't stay here anymore. Although in the past, that really hasn't worked. The last time that things reached that point, he would either sneak into the house at night to sleep, or after we started locking the doors, he slept in the back yard. It's just too difficult for me to call the police on anyone - especially my own son - who is THAT pathetic.

Bottom line, his P.O. should never have TOLD him what she was going to do - she should have just done it. I guess that would require far too great an amount of intelligence and accountability.

Sheesh, this whole line of thought is starting to depress me. I think that I'll go to bed and pray that Roy and Nick go to work tomorrow - maybe I'll be able to get something done around here tomorrow.

Love to all,

P.S. Guys, I'm sorry for being such a bummer today :)

2 howled back:

Anonymous said...

As a Mum, putting myself in your shoes and having to administer "tough love" on my own son and tell him to sleep somewhere else....my heart just feels so sad for you guys. God, that would be hard.

It's such a painful subject and I can understand why you'd be depressed just thinking about it all. I'm glad you've got "the blogs" to write it all down though...we are your friends and we can just sit and listen and sympathise with you and send you love and hugs.

Take care!! love mel xx

Anonymous said...

There are moments in life that offer situations that one cannot seem to in with. It appears that you have one of those matters to contend with; the good-bad news is tat anything you do is going to be deemed wrong, so go with what you find to be the better solution for yourself.

In the meantime, we will support you in love an prayers. The prayer of the moment being that an opportunity will be brought about to provide Nick clarity and reason; yielding hope for himself and his family.

Peace and Love,