Monday, August 18, 2008

Thinking ahead

I think I'm starting to feel a bit better now. Hopefully, tomorrow's sunrise will be what it takes to put my head back in order - or at least, that's what I'm telling myself.

I took Nick to the Doctor's office and he re-wired his mouth. (nice and snug) He took x-rays, and told him quite frankly, that if he doesn't quit mucking around, he'll have to take some bone from his hip to fill in the gap in his jaw. His left side really is quite bad, and he can't afford to be jacking around and behaving like an ass.

When we got home, I got a load of dishes going and since it was such a beautiful and mild day, I decided to walk the dogs in spite of the afternoon sun. Normally, I take Pete and Midnight together because they have such similar, laid back dispositions. Then, I take Angel, Phoenix, and Princess because they are my little firecrackers. Between the three of them, they have a combined attention span of about 20 seconds. I was just wanting to get outside and clear my head, but at the last minute, Nick decided to "help" me by bringing the second group along with me. The five of them, together, is total insanity - so much for clearing my head. I could have told Nick that I just wanted to be alone, but his teeth were hurting, and I know that since he's been home, his anxiety level is on overload. The last thing he needed was to be alone. So we decided to take the dogs to the ball Field and just let them run. On the way home, he mentioned that he hadn't had a drink, or drug, since Thursday - which means, he's counting his days of sobriety - he's on day four.

Nick would like to get a continuance on Wednesday, and spend his time focusing on earning money to pay a lawyer who can get him a reduced sentence. It seems like a logical plan, except it's a plan that has failed time and time again. If Nick goes back to work, and starts bringing in money, his anxiety will drive him to spend the money, not on a lawyer, but on immediate stress relief, and the result will be . . . more stress. (the vicious cycle of addiction) He insists that this time will be different, and as much as I'd like to believe him, I don't. To be honest, I have reached the point where I believe that unless he is in some kind of a contained, structured, environment - he is a threat to himself and to others. It makes me sad to feel that way. I feel like I have abandoned my faith in him. But in reality, it isn't my faith that will save him, is it? He has to find his own faith.

Enough. I don't want to write about Nick anymore. I was thinking last night, while I was trying to sleep, about our upcoming Halloween Celebration. I know that it's early, but I need a distraction. I'm hoping to add a mausoleum to our cemetery, but I'm concerned about how it will hold up to our rainy Fall weather, so I'm going to need my husband's carpentry skills. I need to get some specific plans drawn up soon, or Roy will procrastinate until it's too late. Everyone seems to be okay with a vampire theme, but I'm trying to figure out how to make it work, and what to do with it. Heather and I talked about a Hotel Transylvania Motif, but I am thinking . . .maybe a Vampire Ball would work better? Maybe a Vampire Ball at Hotel Transylvania? I need to get some kind of visual image going, and I'm feeling just a little too distracted, and my family just isn't excited about it - yet. We talked, last year, about adding a wienie roast/block party to attract more kids this year. That would be fun. I'm thinking of making up invitations for the kids to hand out to their friends at school. Or sending out neighborhood fliers? I could get to work designing something for that . . . I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud. I'm open to suggestions.

Well, It's getting late, and I've got an early day (again) tomorrow.
Good night all,

Love,
Susan

1 howled back:

SPARSELY KATE said...

I love the idea of Hotel Translyvania!! How funny.

You could serve up blood cocktails (tomato juice) and bits of body parts (fruit chopped up into bits floating in green liquid)..kind of like what Em is handing in for her science experiment on thursday, ew!

It'll be good no matter what you do - you are ms clever!