Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Peanut Butter and Jelly

Hey there,



It's 1AM and I'm sitting here eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Oh my gosh, it's been so long since I've eaten one, I had forgotten how yummy they really are!! For the last couple of days, I've kind of been on an eating binge - eating everything in sight. Normally, I have just one day a month like that - the day before I start my period. To be honest, for a fat girl, I eat surprisingly little food.

That seems to be my biggest problem in losing weight. That, and the fact that when I do actually get around to feeding myself, it's always the wrong stuff. I'm pretty sure that my body is in starvation mode 90% of the time. (holding on to every calorie like a drowning man clutching a life preserver) The ONLY time that I have ever lost any significant amount of weight was during my last two pregnancies (when I had gestational diabetes) and right after I had my stroke. (when I was diagnosed with type II diabetes) During those times, I forced myself to eat 6 small, healthy meals a day. It was the biggest pain in the ass to have to think about food all the time - I hated it. They say that it only takes 30 days to develop a new habit. That's crap. I made myself eat that way for months at a time, and it NEVER became habit or second nature to me.


It would be nice if I had time to plan out my trips to the grocery store, or if I had the money to keep my kitchen stocked with healthy food all the time, or if I was disciplined enough to think about nothing but taking care of myself, But my life just isn't that way. I don't live in a perfect world - not even close.

I have managed to make walking 2-4 miles a day part of my regular routine, but that's only because getting out of the house with the dogs has become my daily mental health break. If I didn't do it, I'd completely lose my marbles.


Sheesh, you would think that a nice PBJ would put me in a cheerier mood? Good thing I didn't decide to eat one of my Daddy Mac PBJ sandwiches, somebody could end up hurt. Do you all know what a Daddy Mac PBJ is? It goes like this:


Bread
Peanut butter
Jelly
Bread
Jelly
Peanut butter
Bread


My kids love it. But you should never give it to a child under the age of 9, because their mouths are not big enough and it won't fit. Or you know what else my kids like? They like it when I make a big fat PB&J then, I grill it. The peanut butter gets all warm and gooey and the Jelly gets all sticky and sweet. Personally, I prefer the standard, tried and true PB&J, straight up.

Every once in a while, some kid shows up at my house whose mother left them home alone without teaching them how to cook, and they start getting creative with peanut butter and Jelly because, they aren't allowed to used the stove. Poor kids, the only thing they know how to make is PB&Js; before long, they start cramming weird stuff inside their sandwiches. I've had kids at my house who put apples, bananas, honey comb cereal, pickles, Miracle Whip, or potato chips in their PBJ sandwich, and they think it's good !

MOMS - If your kid isn't old enough to operate the stove, don't leave them home alone!!! They will either starve, or they will become some kind of weird, hillbilly, redneck, geek who eats disgusting crap. That's just wrong, it's not responsible parenting. In fact, I think it's borderline abuse. How is anyone who eats that kind of crap going to grow up to become a normal, healthy, well adjusted human being?

If you go on a first date with someone who orders some kind of weird, disgusting food combination, would you go out with them a second time? I'm not talking about "kind of weird", like people who dip their pizza in ranch dressing, or dunking a McDonald's french fry in their vanilla shake. I'm talking about, if someone orders a bowl of Macaroni and Cheese, and they ask you to pass the ketchup, you need to get up and leave, because things are only going to get weirder . Who wants to be in a relationship like that? Things like that are some kind of glitch in their genetics, because they always have children just like them. People like that should not reproduce.

Okay, enough ranting, my sugar high is wearing off and I'm feeling sleepy. I need to get myself to bed.

Good night.

6 howled back:

SPARSELY KATE said...

Yes, it should be in all the dating books - beware the freak who orders a bowl of sauce with his liverwrust. He is dangerous.

:)


glad you liked your peanut butter thingie...over here we call it 'honey'...my dad used to make me peanut butter and honey toast for breakfast when I was a little girl. It's total comfort food.

SPARSELY KATE said...

what do you call actual jelly? you know the stuff you dissolve in boiling water and put in the fridge to set??

Auburn haired artist said...

We have Jelly and preserves (or Jam). Jelly is made with the juice of the fruit, and Jam is made with the whole fruit (all crushed up to make it spreadable). Honey is . . . Honey - the stuff the bees make. We put it on our bisquits and dinner rolls, sometimes in our hot tea. Peanut butter and honey sounds REALLY yummy though!!!

SPARSELY KATE said...

Oh, now I get it! so you guys don't actually mix honey with peanut butter, it's JAMMM. Well I'm glad I got that cleared up after almost 34 years of assuming the wrong thing :)

We call Jam, Jam. Whether it's the chunky fruit version or the sugared down, no real fruit version.

And jelly for us is coloured crystals you put in boiling water, set and then you have a bowl of wobbly jelly!

Auburn haired artist said...

Yep, PB&J can be made with jelly, Jam, or preserves, but regardless, it's always called Peanut butter and Jelly. ( probably because we Americans aren't always real specific)

What you call "jelly", sounds to me, like what we call, Jello. Jello is actually flavored Gelatin crystals that you make with boiling water then, put in the fridge to set. We make all kinds of fancy summer deserts with Jello, whipped cream, and friut.

And here's the thing, Jello is actually a popular Gelatin brand name, but no mater what brand we use, we call it Jello. ( again, because we Americans are lazy and non-specific)

But yeah, I can see where that might be confusing. A Peanut butter and Jello sandwich? Now, that WOULD be gross, and very weird!

SPARSELY KATE said...

Ah, JELLO...yep I have definitely heard that in movies and stuff. Ok, I'm SO glad I've got this clarified because it is extremely important that when one day I go and visit America I know my P&J sandwich from my bowl of jello to my jam or my preserves.
Because breakfast could be really dangerous. :)