Sunday, January 27, 2008

Inevitable events

Well, you know, the fun just never stops around here. It's been another crazy day, although I suppose everything worked out for the best in the end.

The day started out calm, and kind of lazy, but I guess Nick got to feeling bored, or something. About 2:30 he disappeared for a while. When he came home, he grabbed the phone and went to the garage. I suspected that he had started drinking, but Jasmin and the grandkids had just stopped by to visit, so I wasn't going to say anything while they were here. Jasmin is a very confrontational person, and she has pretty much lost all patience with Nick and his addictions. I was hoping to keep the two of them apart, but while Jasmin and I were in my art room talking, Nick showed up and started being belligerent, and wanting money so he could go to the bar. So, the one thing that I was trying to avoid, ended up happening anyway. The two of them got into an argument, and eventually, Nick just left.

I assumed that he would go to the bar to seek comfort, but I was worried because I knew he had no money. So I spent the rest of the day worrying about him. Finally, around 7:30PM I got a call from him - from jail. I have no idea how the initial police contact occurred, but they arrested him for probation violation. Hopefully, he doesn't have any additional charges, and he can just do his time and be done with it. When Nick called, he was really wasted, and all he wanted to do was cry, and carry on about not wanting to live. I know that he was drunk and stupid, but it's still upsetting to hear. He was a mess. I know that if he continues that way, they will give him a paper suit, and put him in isolation on suicide watch. He won't like that, but they take that sort of thing seriously. Hopefully, he'll just sleep for a while, and be fine when he sobers up.

In my heart, I know that being there is probably the safest place for him. I don't have to deal with the guilt of having put him there myself - he did this on his own. Things here at home should be a little quieter. Except for when he calls, he will be pretty difficult for the next several days - it's no fun detoxing in jail. I have to figure out how to get some money on his books, and on the correctional billing phone account - that could be kind of tricky right now.

Anyway, I just feel worn out and exhausted. I think I'm going to put myself to bed, and hope that things will seem clearer tomorrow.

Hope you all have a great week.
Love ya,
Susan

2 howled back:

Betty said...

oh susan, my heart goes out to you. As a Mum, I don't want to imagine going through the same thing, I get the shivers just thinking about how it must feel for you.

Take care and know that you are a wonderful loving person and a fantastic Mum and you know that it is Nick's fight - he'll get there, he's just so young. It's so sad hey...

thinking of you guys,

love mel

christopherc said...

Being a bystander when someone you love is doing battle with demons we cannot see, nor assist in conquering is a tough call for anyone. I've always been dumbstruck as to how to handle it whether it was my Dad, or others that I love and have no sage and reasonable advice for contending with the pain and heartache.

I think from what I can gather that it may be the hardest thing to do, but not putting money into Nick's account until the other needs of your family are met is practical. He's being taken care of and is safe; make sure your family and your own needs are met for the here and now. If there's anything you need, let us know. (us = Mel and I)

Remember, you and yours are in our prayers, thoughts, and hopes.

love,
-C