Sunday, January 20, 2008

Living in the moment.

Okay, first of all, it's completely impossible to blog about anything, much less think, while Heather is on the couch blabbering away. Since we are down to just one computer again, our daughter has returned to the land of the living. (Or at least, the living room.) That's right, she's migrated upstairs and she won't shut up. She is talking to the dogs, talking to the T.V., talking to me - I think - and I have no idea what she is talking about, because there is just no pause - ever.

I know this : If I hear the phrase, "I'm bored" one more time, I am going to spontaneously combust ! I am so certain that she is going to say it, that I'm starting to imagine what it might feel like. Will I have any warning signs like smoke coming from my ears ? Does it hurt ? Or is it just like . . . .WHOOOOSH ! ?



I need to focus. Focus Damn it !!! Any way, I was having a lovely sleep this morning . . . uh, this afternoon? When Jacob shoved the phone in my face and said, "It's your daughter who isn't Heather." Which is what he always says when Jasmin calls. Before I could even pry my eyes open, she was telling me that she could cut Jacob's hair today, because she was going into the shop to cut Christian and Ana's hair. All that was fine and dandy until I asked her when she wanted me to bring him over. She said, "soon." I didn't like the sound of that, so I said, "how soon?" She said "Like, soon - soon." So I jumped up out of bed and was ready to go in about 45 minutes. Isn't that what you would do if someone said, 'Be here soon-soon ?' Nick and Heather came along for the ride, and as soon as I got Roy his Nyquil, we were on our way. (See, the last week has been high stress, so Roy is sick. Remember? Stress related illness? I was right, huh ?) Okay, I arrived at Jasmin's and guess what ? She was still in her pajamas, and she still had not gone to get the kids some lunch, and she's was in no hurry what so ever !!! Okay, so Jasmin has a warped sense of humor. I just took a deep breath, relaxed, and took Nick to go visit with my mom while she dealt with the whole crazy kid thing - at what ever pace she desired.

Nick and I chatted with mom, who is trying very hard to quit smoking. I know, I need to quit too, but I'm just starting to feel happy again. Maybe, that's why I'm starting to think about it. I said, I'm just thinking about it, okay ? Everybody is so pushy about this. But I'm thinkin' about it, I just don't want to rush into anything. Gosh, I say that alot don't I ?

Anyway, Since I was now convinced that Jasmin really had no schedule at all, Nick and I grabbed a bite to eat at Arby's. * Wouldn't it be nice if you could order food and it looked just like the photo on the menu? Just a thought. Nick and I had some time to chat at lunch. I get the feeling that he's starting to feel restless about life in general, which worries me. I've kind of reached the point where I can see trouble coming, but I don't really know how to stop it, because. . . . it's just life. HE has to figure out how to work through it - it's not something that I can do for him - or even explain very well. I suspect that he's already made the choice, all I can do is wait and see what happens - and remember to breathe.

When we got back to Jasmin's, she was dressed, the kids had been fed, but no hair cuts. Instead, she was laying in bed with Jason. So I left Jake to spend the night, and took Nick and Heather home.

Since then, it's been kind of a lazy Sunday. I got a few things done, but at my own speed. Recently, I've noticed that I tend to escalate at the slightest hint of stress or anxiety; or allow one situation to set the tone of my day. In fact, just today, I sat and watched my mother do that while we were visiting. We touched on a subject that is a source of worry for her, and she was off. In 5 minutes, her thinking had gone so far into the future, that she almost worked herself into a major depression thinking about all the 'what ifs' and possible outcomes. On the way home, Nick mentioned that he admires her because she thinks about the future. I told him that thinking about it is one thing, but we have to live HERE, in the present. The same thing goes for the past. There has to be some kind of balance. Why is that so hard to do?

Well, Heather has finally worn herself out and gone to bed. She's probably not sleeping because there is no school tomorrow. (Martin Luther King Jr. Day) Roy and Nick zonked out hours ago. I'm going to take a head count of the dogs, make sure they're all inside, and settled down for the night, then I'm going to bed. Hope you all have a great week.
Good night.
Love ya,
Susan

2 howled back:

christopherc said...

For someone who started out their posting wit "Okay, first of all, it's completely impossible to blog about anything..." you cerainly it a stride and stumbled into topics! And mind you that the note about the impossible to think part, you proved very coherent and cognitive of the world around you.

I think one reason I admire you so is you're such a gentle soul; I would have beat any of the kids here to a pulp if they woke me and made me think something may be wrong, or urgent when they weren't facing the day themselves. But, I'm Scott tells everyone I'm the mean Daddy--- it all started with the dog and has evolved itself to the kids now. Guess who'll be asked to discharge one of them from their duties after their weekend no-show-up for work.

As for spontaneous combustion... I've actually given that a lot of thought lately myself. i think it starts out with a warm sensation flushing over your body (I'm thinking I should keep this family friendly so won't say it's like an orgasm) and your eyes will roll back into your head causing a pulsating sense of white light. Your rate of breath will increase by six fold until you hyperventilate as your eyes flash back into your head (fire needs oxygen to burn, right?) And as the cause of your irritation returns with a new volley of irritants, you'll open your mouth and eyes. Your eyes will appear orange as though with rage and you'll spew forth flames that shall scorch the hairs of their head just before going poof and converting your entire body into a pile of hot ashes.

They then will hold a memorial wherein you shall be described as one hot-ashed woman that the world shall miss.

may peace and love come your way this week as the world goes by.

-C

Betty said...

If I hear, "I'm so bored" one more time I may join you in exploding too.
:)

Hope you had a wonderful sleep!